“I’m a gambler, a farm boy, and I’m here to take command of your bloody army.”

As fans of Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time know, there is one character that everyone has wished to channel as they place their bets, the legendary gambler Matt Cauthon. His best chances to win were always when the game was at it’s most random and let me tell you, regardless of what you think you know about sports nothing is more random then sports gambling. So without further to do, here are my guaranteed Matrim Money Makers. For the record I only watch the tourney, so I really don’t know shit about this teams take my advice and you are probably an idiot.

6:09 PM ET

No. 3 Texas Tech vs No. 1 Gonzaga (Gonzaga -4.5/137)

Gotta go with Gonzaga, purely based on the fact that I find Texas Tech beyond boring, like a Bran POV chapter or the entirety of The Dark Tower series. Will Gonzaga win by 5, sure why not! Lock it in!!!

8:49 PM ET

No. 3 Purdue vs No. 1 Virginia (Virginia -4.5/126)

I have consistently bet again Purdue this entire tournament, and the result has left me bleeding like Silgar after Karsa gives him that light work. My gut always tells me to take the favorites, but honestly Virginia is also boring AF soooooooo Purdue it is. Actually Carsen Edwards is awesome which means one thing. DOUBLE DOWN!

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