Halfway through this thing and let me tell you that I don’t know what to tell you. On the one hand, I got more of the emperor Jhiral, he fed some clowns to some octopi, which is the worst way to describe multiple octupuses. I think he has become my favorite character, not because I think he is particularly deep or fun to read, just everyone else kind of sucks. Ringil jesus christ man you should be so much cooler then you are. So whiny, like what is even going on with the scene where he is drowning and then walking for 50 pages through the grey spaces. I equate all long winded walking scenes to the all-time worst walking scene of all time, Frodo and Sam right before they meet Shelob in The Two Towers. This was prettttttty close to that.

The book was going so mediocre until then. I was intrigued by the idea of him having the plaque and I guess we are just tossing that plot line out the window. Also what is up with the gods/mystical creatures in this story. I guess that innocent naked lady in the inn room was a spirit dog or something but like so what. Ringil just wallows in misery throughout the entire story which means that for all the things that he could engage with, he is just like ehh whatever. Meet a multi armed weird prophet? No worries ill just put a knife to him. O he out maneuvers me, okay ill just bitch at the prophecys he gives me. GIVE ME SOMETHING RINGIL.

Is this world interesting? Who knows because if you ask the characters what they would like to do its just smoke some super monkey kush and sit in a corner. Arceth has had the shakes for a solid month, look we have all had hangovers, some of us have even had drug hangovers (GASP!), it doesn’t last the length of Mice and Men. Get over it. For real though it is frustrating to just have zero engagement with anything and seemingly no character growth. The story just seems kind of stale.

I don’t think I am going to belabor the point here because I feel my fingers itching for a good rant but I can’t give in because then I will be guilty of doing exactly what every character does in the book. It just seems like if this is going to turn into a humans vs. aliens/goodish against evilish story, get on with it and lets see how large action goes. Stop teasing it because at this point only a sick battle scene can revive a dead story.

Also congrats on the sex Ringil. I promised to mention if there was a graphic sex scene and alas, 250 pages in we got one. Seemed kind of boring for both dudes. Like all the foreplay and they both came (cummed?) instantly. Should get some Roman swipes.

Final Notes: Hammer Golden State tonight. Don’t fall into the media trap and start believing in the Drake’s.

One thought on “The Cold Commands Halfway Home Report

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