Date: Wednesday, June 5, 2019

Distance: 5 km

Location: New York, NY (Central Park)

Time: IDK like 30 minutes

First and foremost I would like to say Happy Global Running Day to all my fellow runners. In a society that glorifies made up holidays sometimes it’s easier to just give in and go with it. Looks good on social media and honestly isn’t that the only thing we all care about? It didn’t occur to me why this race was on a Wednesday until that guy with the silky smooth voice on the PA system mentioned it while we were waiting for the thing to start in our race corral. That whole thing had me super confused but I thought this would be an easy way to get my Wednesday morning run in and add another 1 to the 9 + 1 NYRR scheme. I have used Wednesday four times in this paragraph, not once have I spelled it correctly on the first try. Shout out to spell check you a real one.

So made up holiday aside, the point of this race was to promote New Balance, I mean to do some charity work. What that terrible name for a race is supposed to imply is that everyone who signed up for the race got a pair of New Balance Fresh Foam Zante Pursuit’s and New Balance donated a pair of sneakers to kids in need. I may make fun of a lot of things, including this, but it is really cool that they gave those kids sneakers. The sneakers are awesome too, I added them to my three sneaker rotation as my light run sneaker and so far they have been great. Not sure if they would hold up on a long run, but fuck it they look good which for a short run is all that matters.

As for the race, it didn’t seem to be a particularly crowded race which was a nice change of pace for a typical NYRR race. Since the thing started at 7am and was only a 5K, I imagine that unless you lived in Manhattan this wasn’t really worth it. I may have bitched about this before, but I don’t live in Manhattan so as usual it was not very convenient. I did hop on the ol’ PATH and take a subway to Bryant Park where I ran to the race start on 83rd so at least I was able to parlay the race into a good training day. I may have been gassed, but I have no complaints it was my choice to do a race before work.

 The race itself was a breeze, the whole course seemed like it was going downhill. Apparently we ran up the notorious Harlem hill but it didn’t seem bad. At the end of the race I was saying that I thought the whole thing was downhill and some old British lady overheard (i.e. eavesdropped) and gave me her thoughts on it. She did not agree with my assessment to say the least. Suck it up it was 3.2 miles. It’s that type of attitude that lost you the states in the first place. Even our fat guys whip up on the soft ass English, look at Andy Ruiz. He might be my new obsession, if I was a young decently attractive 18 to 21 year old with insecurities about my ability to have a social life and wanted to pay for a friend group, I would even go so far as to look and Andy Ruiz and give my thoughts on him with the ever so poignant #Goals.

I didn’t eat breakfast (meaning not a big breakfast) so the after race snacks were a life saver. Grabbed myself a bagel, an apple, and some of those bee Belgium waffle things and started hauling ass down 7th Ave. If you saw a jackass running with a race bib on through one of the most crowded streets in the country around 8am with a giant bulge in his pocket eating a bagel, congrats you saw me! The bulge was an apple don’t be a perv. Its 2019 though so even if I was aroused don’t dick shame me.

All in all pretty happy I woke up for this. I don’t smell like shit at work and left clothes here yesterday so that’s a plus. Didn’t bring a belt though. Let’s hope for the best.

I went the entire blog without mentioning how brave and strong I am for writing this the same day I did the race. I am not looking for applause or to be lauded for this achievement. But recognize greatness when you see it. O yea obligatory race picture will appear at the end. Thanks Nat for always managing to look great even drenched in sweat looking like you just carried a jug of water on your head through the fields. And also for looking at the camera instead of at the button like my dumbass.

Final Notes: No idea who is going to win tonight. Don’t even know the spread, but I am thinking of going against what I have been doing and betting on the Raptors. I can’t stop laughing thinking about that story of Kawhi’s trash talk. Not going to link it so if you made it this far just go look it up. Such a fucking weirdo. I think I am going to incorporate his style into my running, so every time I run past someone I’ll mumble “pass” or “pace man gets paid.”

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