Date: Saturday, June 15th 2019

Distance: 10 km

Location: Queens, NY (Flushing Park)

Time: 0:48:26

With the doldrums of the workweek beginning it’s time to recap the weekend festivities in an ode to reliving the glory days and keeping our minds firmly in the past. I am told looking backwards is the key to progress, it is also a great strategy to do while running. Give it a try and let me know how it goes.

This Saturday I was one of the 11,852 participants in the Queens 10k and I would like to bless you all with my much sought after opinions on the event. After setting the bar way too high by doing my last race report (I want to call these race reports but I think ‘review’ is better SEO practice. IDK though because I didn’t pay for the better version of Wordpress) this is coming a couple of days after. I would offer apologies but I am not offering apologies. I would also like to state on the record the importance of keeping your expectations at the bare minimum required to remain somewhat not miserable, and you will always have your expectations exceeded. This is fundamental to your boss evaluating your job performance, your family asking for help at the family event, and most importantly your significant others expecations for your sexual performance. So strive to get all those people on board with this philosophy and make mediocrity great again!

The Queens 10k took place in lovely Flushing Park, where we were treated to beautiful sites of dying grass in untended fields, the cracked concrete of abandoned parking lots, some weird polluted lake that has a creepy island with a door on it, and that tennis stadium that hangs off of Citi Field like an untreated hemorrhoid. Flushing Park is to Central Park what Queens is to Manhattan, which is the sibling that is just a little sloppier and worse at everything then the golden child. Your parents may say they love all their children the same but in your heart you know the truth.

My goal for the race was to shoot for 47 minutes, and similar to my attempts at writing witty and engrossing race reviews I fell short of the mark. I would like to place all the blame on external factors in order to escape culpability so here are the things that caused me to fail in no particular order:

  1. Global warming. The earth was all hot and shit forcing me to take an extra water break a mere half mile after my first one. This had nothing to do with the fact that I was dehydrated due to poor hydration planning and eating crumb cake a mere 40 minutes before the race. Nor the fact that it actually wasn’t that hot and kind of cloudy. Nope the earth is getting hotter and it messed me up.
  2. The protests in Hong Kong. The extradition policies of the Chinese Special Administrative Region is often on my mind and to see things devolve into such chaos left me no room to calculate my times as I passed the clocks. I simply do not have the mental capacity to do basic math while running and think about why Hong Kong is independent of China. Shame Shame.
  3.  Richard K. Morgan. See my previous blogs for further clarification.

So I think that shows just why I should not be held responsible for not achieving my goals. As for the course itself, despite not being the most eye catching of courses, it is actually relatively flat and though there were some sharp turns and one bridge, it was a solid course for a 10k. There is one part where you run around that giant globe thingy around mile 5 and it blocked out the sun so perfectly. It was such a relief because before that you are in the sun for a bit so when I got too that part it kind of charged me up. That globe is cool as shit, and is also the perfect Instagram spot, as Nathalie was quick to take advantage off. The picture I have is actually of the sunny side, but whatever imagine being on the other side of the thing if you have an issue with it.

The swag bag was pretty standard, the tank is, well here’s a picture of it all so I don’t really need to explain it. The tank is pretty damn comfortable. I would be remiss if I did not mention there were no bee power waffles. Points off for that.

All in all I actually had a great time at the race, I set a PR so while I did fail progress is slow. That’s the motto of the perpetual underachiever. The course was a lot of fun and I didn’t have to take a train there because I got a ride, automatically improving the race. NYRR here is some more unsolicited advice, just give me a ride both ways and I will love the race. 20 weeks to the marathon. Stay working hard everyone. Here the obligatory picture of me. Notice that my head is not peeling like a prisoner of the Boltons.

Final Notes: Noted enemy of the blog Lebron James successfully manipulated another organization into mortgaging their future because Lebron is incapable of winning a championship on his own. How could he not win with noted superstars Lonzo Ball and Josh Hart and 3 first round picks to be named later? Coward.

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