This is a little bit different then my normal blogging material, but I promise it is well worth the read. Let me set the stage for you. Frank Meza is a retired doctor in Los Angeles who was a proponent of that stupid ass barefoot running craze that led to those weird web shoes. You can watch him in all his glory here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKmo8scMx1I Who gives a shit about some 70-year-old doctor who’s going to die soon right? Well the fucking internet does of course. Because let me tell you about my mans Frankie Meza. Frankie boy is a world class cheater, and his specialty is cheating hippie marathons out in Cali.

Your boy Frankie is currently in some hot water for allegedly cheating at the 2019 Los Angeles Marathon, where he set the record for the fastest marathon ever run by a 70-year-old with a time of 2:53:10. To be fair I just keep reading that he set the record, I have yet to find anything official on that. And also to be fair, he didn’t allegedly cheat, he without-a-doubt cheated. The point of this blog is not to prove his guilt or innocence since he is so clearly cheating, but rather to acknowledge a master of the craft.

Frankie boy has a long history of the long con, this was not an anomaly. You may be questioning at this point, if you have not already seen the story or been on Reddit, just how Frank cheated all these marathons? Well Frank is the master at cutting the course, which involves him exiting the course at some point and entering it at another. He has only gotten better as time has gone on, like literally this grandpa’s marathon times have steadily been improving as he pulls the ol’ Benjamin Button. He has gotten craftier by learning from his mistakes turning into a practical ghost who can teleport anywhere on the course. He specialty is the LA Marathon where he has been improving on his craft since 2015. Here are just some prime examples of places he got caught cheating.

He was disqualified once, from the 2014 California International Marathon. This is where he learned the importance of consistent pacing. See Frankie boy ran his final 10k in 36 minutes, which is awesome. The problem was that this final 10k was at a minute-per-mile pace faster than the rest of the race. Not to be thwarted, he tried this again at the 2016 CIM and of course got disqualified. When he could appeal, he was just like na fuck it.  

One would think this would deter him, as people seemed to be catching on, but apparently my man also is suspect at large at the 2019 Pasadena Half Marathon and The 2018 Long Beach Marathon, where once again his paces don’t add up. The beauty of Frank is you can’t stop him, if you disqualify him he won’t bother too appeal, he will just try it again and again. His determination to continue to cheat is just incredible, he is addicted to the cheating game through and through.

At the Phoenix Marathon this year, he cheated, which was proven by a camera that was set up where he just happens to have never blessed us with his appearance. That could happen to us all, I mean there are plenty of NYRR races where I am not on it, but those are still cameras, not video. Either way he pulled the wool over all our eyes. Granted everyone investigating him said he cheated, but no action was taken. Record set!

But the LA Marathon is where his bread is buttered. His biggest stage. His one shining moment. Frankie boy knows exactly where to cut in, just look at this here picture. While the picture itself doesn’t exactly mean he cheated, I said earlier I am not here to put him on trial, he is guilty.

But see where a loser like you and me might be like “shit got caught, might as well come clean,” Frankie boy has gone the 90’s baseball player route by denying any wrongdoing. This is all part of the craft. When shown the photos, he gave a perfect response along the lines of he ran off the course to pee. This having to pee thing screwed him up the year before because he went into a hotel to pee, so this year he let it fly on the side of the road. Genius move.

Frank is someone to be admired. Not for his actual ability to run of course, he’s a first class loser who is cheating in a totally amateur capacity and disgracing what it means to be a marathon runner or runner in general. But rather for his ability as a world class grifter. For some reason I keep comparing him to the legendary Frank Reynolds, a master grifter in his own right.

Since this race, the LA Marathon loser committee has decided not to disqualify him, but rather to have someone accompany him next year. Que up the injury bug, because I guarantee Frankie boy will have it come time to shine.

Since he was not disqualified for this year’s stunning performance, Frankie must forever be known as a record breaker. Game recognize game.

Final Notes: I got a lot of this information from a site called marathoninvestigation.com. I want to say that while I admire the level of detail this guy went into to knock down a good man like Frank, you have to be an allllll time loser to spend that many hours poring over an amateur’s race data. Like this guy was literally comparing photos and analyzing pace charts looking for discrepancies. The amount of pent up anger you have to have to spend that much time taking down someone is just a classic case of someone who needs to either jerk off or get laid so badly. Game does not recognize game. He did make this blog easier to write though. Thanks!

One thought on “Snake it Till you Make It: Frank Meza Edition

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