After successfully arguing my case for the sexual deviance of Rand al’Bore in last weeks blog, I thought to myself “You have peaked as a blogger.” Perhaps, but much like a crippled Kobe I will continue to limp my way through this despite all evidence telling me I’m washed. And similar to Kobe, SHOOTERS SHOOT. For the record Kobe and I have many differences too. It would be rude to point those out so don’t.
This week featured a lot of Aes Sedai shit. After Selene escaped a predator, we were treated to a little Moiraine and my main man Lan. Moiraine spends some time with the Golden Girls and trys to learn some shit, but it is her conversation with Lan that really gets us. At this point we kind of don’t know the deal with Moiraine and Lan, like are they bang buddies, did the swipe right on Tinder and decide to be friends, do either of them like each other’s Instagram posts from months back, it’s confusing. So it was illuminating to see that they just got a common goal in mind. Moiraine is an all-time mindfucker. Telling Lan he is getting his bond transferred so he won’t off himself, and dangling the possibility of Nynaeve getting that bond at some point is a classic Sedai scheme.
Imagine your wife being the person who has your bond, seems fucking miserable. You get asked to go do some menial thing like take out the trash (which is the most generic chore I could think of), you obviously say no because the Giants have the ball on the 15 and it’s 3rd and goal because of a holding penalty. We call that prime Saquon the Savior time. She compels you to do it. You miss the hurdle to stiff arm to extend the ball over the corner greatness. The worst. Just kidding, flag thrown on the play, hold on Sterling Shepard on the opposite side of the field. 3rd and 25.
You come home after a long day sharpening your sword and practicing forms, you remember that Timmy the Tinker was showing your wife some pottery. You walk into the bedroom and see Timmy tinkering your wife. You go to pull out that freshly sharpened sword but NOOO. She compels you to watch because she has a cuckolding fetish. You weep silent tears. She compels you to let Timmy tinker you because she’s finished and he still hasn’t found the one song of his dick. That’s the way of the leaf for ya.
So Nynaeve and Egwene finally get to the tower and meet Sheriam. Sheriam keeps trying to make Nynaeve a novice and Nynaeve pulls a Birdman and tells her to put some res’peck on my name. I am a sucker for those ring test chapters to be raised to novice, and the Nynaeve one is just so well done. Robert Jordan has some chapters that just hit differently, I get pulled in and remember when all the bullshit is going on how he can go from overdoing it to mastering it. I’m just realizing it seems a lot of these moments for me are the Nynaeve and Lan love saga. Just so well done. When she is forced to choose between the fake reality where she has everything she wants, Lan as her husband and restored to his glory, kids, the works and the bleakness that is the world she currently resides in, my heartstrings are just pulled. I may have started to tear up… I swear I am not a little bitch despite what the evidence points too.
I was worried I wouldn’t have anything to write about. Silly me. Happy Friday!