That is supposed to be Locke Lamora

To set the stage

The Game:

Green Bay Packers (0-0, 0-0 Away) vs. Chicago Bears (0-0, 0-0 Home)

Date: Thursday, Sept. 5, 2019

Time: 8:20 p.m. EST

Venue: Soldier Field – Chicago, IL

The Bet:

Spread: GB: +3 (+100) | CHI: -3 (-120)

My Guaranteed Winner:

CHI: -3 (-120)

FOOTBALL is back! Which means the return of the easiest way to make (lose) money this fall! Behind on your credit card payments? Bet (don’t) with me. Need Roman swipes (sponsor me please) because your girl is complaining that you are a two pump chump? Bet with me! Tired of running out of cocaine in the pre-game? Bet with me and stay bumping lines until 5 minutes into the game like a god damn champion/drug addict. Ride the gravy train straight into some KFC biscuits. Get yourself back to a zero balance, get your dick numb, work on deviating that septum, all things are possible when you follow the advice of a man who titles his gambling blogs after a fictional gambler from a fantasy series.

On another note that isn’t hardo gambling guy/blatant rip-off of The Wolf of Wall Street this new way of setting the scene with the formatting is much better. Thanks FanDuel blog thing!

Okay so now that the scene is set lets get into the meat of it. The Packers are coming off of one of those nightmare seasons. 6-9-1 with McCarthy’s fat ass getting the boot after 12 games. Rodgers continuing to be Mr. Glass and going down for the year. The kind of stuff that gets the boys down. So naturally they brought in a whole new coaching staff.  They have no notables in the receiver/running back game. Normally that wouldn’t matter, Rodgers is honestly that fucking good. He also rippppped the Bears heart out last year. But they have a new head coach in Matty LaFleur and I think it’s safe to say that the first game of the season with an entirely new coaching staff, playing on the road, and playing a great Bears team is a recipe for disaster.

The Bears are a lot of peoples pick for coming out of the NFC. Whether that happens or not remains to be seen. Obviously they got massacred by the Double-Doink but they are a young, hungry squad ready to tear it up. Easy choice.

None of this is new information. I am not reinventing the wheel with this stuff. The point I am trying to make is stats and shit are dumb. This is an obvious feeling bet. Also Aaron Rodgers can’t chug a beer. That has to haunt a man. At least for a week. Please?

“The innocent died along with the guilty. And if you did nothing, then only the innocent died.”

-Mat Cauthon

One thought on “Matrim’s Money Makers: NFL Season Opener Edition

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