To set the stage

The Game:

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-1, 0-0 Away) vs. Carolina Panthers (0-1, 0-1 Home)

Date: Thursday, Sept. 12, 2019

Time: 8:20 p.m. EST

Venue: Bank of America Stadium – Charlotte, NC

The Bet:

Spread: TB: +7 (-120) | CAR: -7 (+100)

My Guaranteed Winner:

CAR: -7 (+100)

I am off to a hottttt start this football season. After last week’s incredible prediction that was thwarted by a man who can’t even chug a beer in what is widely being considered the biggest fluke in gambling history, I am back on the horse. I was not stagnant during the weekend, I won a gimmie pick on the Patriots game. Of course I did no write up for it because I never share my true winners with anyone. I am starting to consider the fact that I might be cursing these teams.

That being said, HAMMER the Panthers. They looked solid last week against the Rams minus the collapse and I think this season they are going to get the ball rolling again. Cam seems to be somewhat healthy, the Panthers are always a tough team and I can not stress this enough, the Bucs fucking suck.

More importantly then all of this I want to talk about how fucking bad these Thursday Night Football commercials are. The premise of the commercial is so stupid, these two fans are talking shit not too each other, well kind off, but to the other team. This guy Jim/Bob/standard white guy is talking about how the Panthers can’t handle the Bucs while wearing this ridiculous Hawaiian shirt. Everyone can handle the Bucs. Then this frumpy ass gross looking lady in front of this massive grill is going on about “Super Cam” and how he won’t be bothered by Tampa. We know, no one has been bothered by Tampa in the history of sports. Except I guess that Super Bowl. Shut the hell up both of you. Shit talking should be visceral, you should be talking about how the Panthers suck because your husband cheated on you with your best friend and now has two families. Let’s run through a much better example.

White Guy:

Get ready you inbred cousin fuckers Tampa is going to molest you like you are driving an Uber that Jameis is in.

White Girl:

Tampa is poor man’s Miami. Big Willie wasn’t singing about “Down to Tampa where the crystal meth is on”

Listen that is not great either but at least it is a launch point for a better commercial. Regardless, the Bucs are god damn terrrrrrible. They are coming off an atrocity, they are playing on the road, and Bruce Arians is lost out there. Panthers easy.

“You could put a man’s eye out with that thing, and normally I wouldn’t mind, but I’m running short on eyes these days.”

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