Journey around the Wheel of Time

The Dragon Reborn Audiobook Update 2: A wolf and a white tower

Fresh off of losing even more money on the illustrious FanDuel app (sponsor me por favor) is the Friday Wheel of Time Audiobook update. Having put in some hefty mileage since last week there is plenty to talk about. First though, I know that title makes it seem like Perrin had some crossover with Tar Valon. He didn’t, it is just a much better subtitle.

BUT that doesn’t mean that there was no Perrin. In fact I thought this entire book was Perrin. Which is not a bad thing, he has a lot of action happening around him. He is at the point now where he is being bombarded by this wolf life and he is being a little bitch about embracing it. Like your boy Hopper, a true OG, is basically telling Perrin to stop being a baby and the guy can’t get out of his own head.

So essentially Trollocs run up on the little winter Dragonsworn camp and Perrin gives them the fucking business. A little weird that he fights with the wolves, but I get hyped up when Robert Jordan does a battle scene without magic. Young Bull, Perrin’s alter ego, is a legend of the fight game. He just runs around barefoot chopping trollocs and fades with a giant fucking ax. His fight with the fade is dope, Perrin is an awesome undisciplined brawler. You know who is a wack fighter? You guessed it! RAND. When Perrin goes to find him Rand is crying about how he did nothing. Good job bro. Pathetic.

So post battle your boy Perrin, Lan, Loial and Moraine start following Rand. They roll up to this village, where everyone is busy fucking because Rand came through and basically started up a giant orgy. Not exactly true, as these people were getting married first, but what is marriage but an excuse? Some would say Rand shares many tendencies with Lucifer himself. This innkeeper asks Moraine to heal his brother, but when she and Perrin go to see the brother, they can’t do anything as the brother has basically become a wolf. This chapter shows the depth of Moraine’s character. It is so easy to see her as uncaring and cold, but in actuality the way she talks to Perrin and shows sympathy just makes her continuously more likeable.

On to the White Tower. The hero of our tale is unfortunately incapacitated at the start of this book, he has come down with a case of evil magic sickness. So Verin, Egwene, Nynaeve, Elayne, and Hurin the crime watchdog sniffing out crime from Tear to the Two Rivers get accosted by these White Cloak goons while trying to get Mat to the White Tower. I lovvvvve this part of the book because I find it so funny. This scene reminds me of like getting mugged by people with knives, when all of you are holding guns. Verin is diplomatically trying to get shit done while Egwene the whole time is getting more and more impatient until finally she pulls out the uzi and starts blasting those clowns with the one power. Elayne and Nynaeve are so relieved to not have to listen to Verin’s terrible attempts at diplomacy and start popping off as well. They absolutely body the White Cloaks in like three seconds. Then as Verin is trying to discipline them, she is just resigned to the fact that it worked. OOOOO WELL.

When they finally get to Tar Valon, we are treated with an Amyrlin Seat chapter. Of course this means stupid fisherman expressions but looking past that I enjoy Siuan as a POV. My time with the audiobook ended with rain blasting me at about mile 5 yesterday, so until next week that is all.

Final Notes: God damn it Cam.

Journey around the Wheel of Time

The Dragon Reborn Audiobook Update 1: Prelude and Perrin

Hard to imagine that I am on book three of this Wheel of Time journey. But for real it actually feels like I should be on book 234 by now. I mean for 60% of my runs I listen to these audiobooks and based on the other weekly series of this blog, Marathon Monday’s (on Tuesday’s), one would think that I would fly through these things. But you forget that these books are god damn enormous. Also maybe I don’t run that much. Just kidding it’s never my fault. Also that statistic is totally made up. Stats are for nerds. Unless they prove my point.

So intro out of the way, I am on to The Dragon Reborn. Easily one of the better titles of the series. By titles I literally mean the title of the book, I forget if this is one of the good ones. Because as of right now, we got teenage angst Rand, who is pulling his best Antonio Brown impression and just refusing to cooperate. Like when I was listening to the Perrin chapter and it is going something along the lines of Perrin saying “if you know Morraine is right, why are you being such a disagreeable little bitch” I envisioned Tyrell Williams saying this exact thing to Antonio Brown about Mike Mayock. I promise I did not know another Raider WR of the top of my head and had to look that up. I know I said I refuse to do research but I also made up that declaration.

On the topic of research, this book has a great chance to be enjoyable due to the simple fact that 2.4% of the book is Rand’s POV. That one is not made up, I pulled it from that WoT wiki. I would count this as a blessing, as already Perrin sees right through Rand’s bitchassness and starts taking charge by hitting on all the women that are into Rand. He is playing the friend/confidant role to Min, trying to get in her good graces so that when she needs a shoulder to cry on about ol’ Randy, Perrin can slide up in them tomboy cheeks. Lanfear even smells how soft Rand is and tries to throw her hat in the mix of being in the Perrin pack. I had another word to throw in that sick alliteration but that crosses a line even for me.

I may have mentioned before that the prelude chapters are some of the best chapters in the series and this prelude is no exception. The concept of the Children of the Light is one of the more interesting concepts of the book. Here they are just super anti-magic so they go around essentially trying to bully everyone under the guise of trying to keep people pure. It’s an awesome militant group that adds a kind of predictable yet entertaining third hat in the ring. Pedron Niall is a fun character. His little quest for glory revels a lot about the inner workings of the Children and kind of mirrors the Forsaken in their individual motivations taking precedence over the fake one-for-all goal.

Final Notes: Yes I watched the game last night. If you bet with me you are dumb. Go Giants! I know I did zero book reviews and I didn’t do my vaunted country review. O well.

Journey around the Wheel of Time

The Great Hunt Audiobook Wrap-up

A long, long journey has finally come to its conclusion. Just kidding I think I still have twelve audiobooks to go. Which is great because I am struggling to come up with content and need the distraction from the misery of my daily life. Also the audiobooks are solid.

Welcome to the Friday blog series of one man’s journey to listen to all 14 audiobooks of The Wheel of Time while simultaneously training for a marathon. The Venn diagram of people who have attempted such a remarkable feat are two separate circles. Credit to me.

The Great Hunt is a tale of one man’s attempt to steal something that doesn’t belong to him and a hero named Mat bravely stepping in to take possession of it. Another hero, Ingtar, makes a valiant effort to eliminate this creep by playing an integral role in trying to assassinate him. This swine of the earth is of course the moody, ever complaining, miserable sack of shit known as Rand al’Bore.

The Great Hunt is an excellent sequel to the first book. It advances the characters enough to leave plenty of room for growth, without having their character arcs go past the point of interest. Idk that was a pretty boring recap. Let’s talk fighting and fucking.

So the big final battle of The Great Hunt is a weird ghost fight between Rand and Ba’alzamon that is just a terrible event that Rand unfortunately comes out the victor. If we are in the trust tree I have to admit that these like magical showdowns are soooooo boring. Especially considering this is kind of the way the first book ended, it just feels like there are a lot of different options for this final battle scene. Does there have to be an enormous god-like showdown? This is Rand’s second one-on-one fight in the last 100 pages (I think but idk because I’m listening to it) so it just seems like we could have lived without it. Either way it happened and spoiler alert, Rand wins! Terrible

What is awesome is that the blower of the horn is Min (I ain’t talking about the Horn of Valere folks). But also cool is Mat blowing the horn and summoning your boy Artur Hawkwing. Artur drops a few gems about Rand being the Dragon Reborn then he and ghost gang fuck up the Seanchan after they finish putting a beating on the Whiteblokes. That also is not very fun because it is a foregone conclusion. Birgitte Silverbow makes her appearance here and I forget when she gets stuck as a real person like a Pinocchio thing but maybe it happens then? Whatever its time to save Mat already.

In my own conclusion, I regret to inform my zero readers that I will be in the great country of Colombia for the next 8 days so unless I somehow get access to a computer and feel like writing blogs that no one reads there will be no update on my marathon training nor this audiobook. What I will come back with is a couple of book wrap-ups since I plan on finally finishing both The Stone Sky and The Dark Defiles as well as a comprehensive review of the country of Colombia. I might try and somehow do a marathon training blog at some point next week because I feel like this week deserved at least some discussion but who knows. Moving on to The Dragon Reborn! Stay classy everybody.

Journey around the Wheel of Time

The Great Hunt Audiobook Update 7: It seemed so logical, then

What an ominous and unclear subtitle. First off I’d like to say RIP to Ingtar. Yes he was a darkfriend and betrayed Rand, but then again he betrayed Rand so could he really have been all bad? Quite the conundrum.

A dark start to the weekend for sure. If only that archer had shot Rand right in the heart… O I lament for what could have been. What an all time great line from Ingtar. I know it’s a serious moment but I just think of your friend convincing you to do something stupid after a long night out and just being like the next day “it seemed so logical, then.”

If you stuck with the blog this long after an odd start lets get right into it. Today is the weekly update of the number one Wheel of Time audiobook review and discussion. Who rated it number one? ME of course, if I speak it into existence then one day it will be true. At least that is what every corny ass motivational speaker or self-help book author says. More importantly though, it’s friday!

Had a great chance to knock out a lot of the audiobook this week, and I think by this time next week we will be taking a journey through the third book. By the time I finish listening to this entire series I will have ran 10 marathons, and written 500 blogs. Pretty crazy.

So one of my favorite parts of the entire series, partly because I actually remember it, was the duel between Turak and Rand. I don’t think I am alone in this, Reddit always seems to have one person chiming it about how much they love this. But you know what no one seems to talk about, just how great it would have been if Rand didn’t cheat and Turak ran him the fuck through with his sword.

I have to say every time I picture this fight I always find the idea that Turak has these like crazy long old lady nails hilarious. Like how the hell is he supposed to swing a sword around with these neon claws. Unfortunately this was our best chance to off the protagonist and Turak dropped the ball. This mush-mouth, cat lady nail having, old Irish golf pant wearing, skinny bitch couldn’t get the job done. Heron marked blade my ass. I think I would have rather seen that god damn kid Mat tricked into thinking there were ghost hound things running around take a chance at Rand over this clown. What an all time choke artist.

Lets talk about the hero of the series and his bravery in blowing the Horn of Valere. It was awesome. The fact that Arthur Hawkwing wastes time talking to Rand instead of the peoples champ is an all time snub. Him and his Snape nose can go roll in broken glass naked.

And that about wraps up this week in audiobook love. I have a special treat coming tomorrow. You guessed it, it is another blog. Real special. Lets get it.

Journey around the Wheel of Time

The Great Hunt Audiobook Update 6: Endless worlds, endless possibilities

I would like to take some time out of your regularly scheduled program to honor a true hero. A man that has faced ridicule, faced trials and tribulations, faced haters and doubters, and has rose above adversity to lead his people to greatness. I am talking of course about the legend number 8 of the New York Football Giants, Daniel Mothafucka Jones. Hi pocket presence, his ability to read the defense, his pure athleticism caused the drive that was heard round the tristate area like a local car dealership. What does this have to do with The Wheel of Time you might ask? Well my friends, in short, everything.

It was a hot summer afternoon when a young man, fresh off a grueling and truly terribly performed 8-mile run sat on his couch and tuned into the New York Football Giants. He had just finished listening to an hour-and-a-halfish (yes that’s how long it took to run 8 miles, I am not proud of this fact) of a fantastic audiobook courtesy of the lovely folks at audible (sponsor me please), when a hero first entered the television screen. He proceeded to complete his first pass. I was intrigued. Another play, another completion. My eyes were laser focused on this man-miracle. He dares to throw another, he succeeds in completing this monumental feat. Now I am tearing up, for three in a row can’t possibly be possible. Pray it is no fluke. A fourth pass, a fourth completion. I am full on weeping tears of joy. My dick may or may not be harder than a blood-diamond.  And finally, the grand finale. He lets the ball go, TOUCHDOWN. The sky erupts as the heavens open up in the presence of a god. Lightning is appearing in the sky, the world is sundering at the seams. The fabric of reality is torn. The sheer magnitude of the moment causes a weather delay. I worry how this will affect my bet if they can’t finish the game. I finish my aside. Go Giants!

There is a part in chapter 37 of The Great Hunt where Rand is trying to use a portal stone and it is acting like a shitty motor that just won’t get started. He finally gets the thing working and like a sputtering engine we are treated to six renditions of the word ‘Flicker.’ Now reading ‘flicker’ six times in a row takes no effort at all, but hearing it six straight times was just torturous. Worse than listening to a country song. BUTTTTT what we do get is this sickkkk chapter where Rand lives out like 100 lives and I have to say, I like every other version of Rand better than the one Robert Jordan subjects us too. In one life he is a disgruntled guard with an attitude problem, who goes on to lead the Caemlyn army in a last stand. That is fucking badass. None of this soft ass crying. Also Rand screws up and they launch themselves 4 months into the future. Good job dipshit.

Meanwhile at the White Tower, we are treated to an, wait for it, angry Nynaeve. The source of her anger? She got whipped up on for throwing hands with another Accepted. Nynaeve embodies the world-renowned scholar Aubrey Graham’s famous quote “twitter fingers turn to trigger fingers.” She doesn’t take no shit from noooooobody. I do think it is pretty weak though that Liandrin is able to convince them all to leave the White Tower just because they are afraid that there are Black Aja around. Like couldn’t they just go to the Amrilyn Seat? The precedent has been set that they have at least the semblance of a connection with her, and certainly asking her would be wise. O well they didn’t so off they go.

I do want to address the elephant in the room. Many have been clamoring that Matt in these last few chapters has exhibited elements of what us in the world like to call a “snitch.” In some of the lives Matt sees of himself, he has told people that Rand has been able to channel. Some, those deep dark hating trolls, would believe that this means that our hero Matt exhibits snitch like tendencies, but I am here to say that could not be further from the truth. What traits Matt truly embodies are that of the hero, he is willing to sacrifice even his own friend (who has proven to be a terrible friend on numerous occasions, even deigning to look down upon him) for the sake of the safety of the world. Duty is lighter than a feather, heavier than a mountain indeed. Happy Friday everybody!

Final Notes: I promise some more book related stuff is coming, but taking a break from The Stone Sky and whatever is the name of that stupid ass third book in A Land Fit for Heroes series to read The Ruin of Kings has me about halfway done with three different books. An interesting conundrum.

Journey around the Wheel of Time

The Great Hunt Audiobook Update 5: Cause baby you’re a firework


I have not done a great job this week of putting up any blogs, which is crazy considering how much reading I have done since Monday. The problem is, I haven’t really come close to finishing everything, I have about 200 pages left in The Dark Defiles, 340 pages left in The Stone Sky and I just started The Ruin of Kings. Why did I start The Ruin of Kings when I have more than enough on my plate? Because I am a fantasy glutton. No I wanted to read it for job related things that I am not at liberty to discuss. That sounds so fucking cool. It’s not

So here we are with another week done and an audiobook update needing to be put out there. Since we are all in the trust tree on this blog I want to say that since I posted the last update I have only listened to about an hour of The Great Hunt. Been running a lot without headphones or by listening to music so obviously that means no audiobook. It is impossible to focus on an audiobook, for me at least, while doing hills, intervals or tempo runs so any day I am scheduled to run those I listen to music. That being said, the tempo run I had this morning was missssserable. I think for the 20 minutes I ran hard I averaged like an 8:15ish mile, which is honestly just fine with me. So at least performance wise I was where I wanted to be, but physically I was dying. I actually started to cramp a little bit in my side, which never happens to me so I don’t know what that was about. Safe to say that is the last I’ll think about it until it happens again.

The blogs subtitle speaks for itself, I am a huge Katy Perry fan. No it’s because Rand launched a firework at either a trolloc or darkfriend I really don’t remember. I do know that it was pretty cool. The highlight of what I read was of course the return of the legendary Thom, who of course is already banging out a much younger lady. What a boss. It does set up that fucking crazy murderous Thom rampage he goes on at some point. I remember originally reading it and it going completely over my head. I hope listening this time I pick up on it. I think I didn’t even realize it happened until I read something on it after the series was done.

And that pretty much sums up everything. Dull stuff but you know what, not everyone is a winner. That picture I made is funny as shit though. I think I am going to have to start using football players soon. Tis the season. Have a great weekend everybody.

Journey around the Wheel of Time

The Great Hunt Audiobook Update 3: Shooter’s Shoot

After successfully arguing my case for the sexual deviance of Rand al’Bore in last weeks blog, I thought to myself “You have peaked as a blogger.” Perhaps, but much like a crippled Kobe I will continue to limp my way through this despite all evidence telling me I’m washed. And similar to Kobe, SHOOTERS SHOOT. For the record Kobe and I have many differences too. It would be rude to point those out so don’t.

This week featured a lot of Aes Sedai shit. After Selene escaped a predator, we were treated to a little Moiraine and my main man Lan. Moiraine spends some time with the Golden Girls and trys to learn some shit, but it is her conversation with Lan that really gets us. At this point we kind of don’t know the deal with Moiraine and Lan, like are they bang buddies, did the swipe right on Tinder and decide to be friends, do either of them like each other’s Instagram posts from months back, it’s confusing. So it was illuminating to see that they just got a common goal in mind. Moiraine is an all-time mindfucker. Telling Lan he is getting his bond transferred so he won’t off himself, and dangling the possibility of Nynaeve getting that bond at some point is a classic Sedai scheme.

Imagine your wife being the person who has your bond, seems fucking miserable. You get asked to go do some menial thing like take out the trash (which is the most generic chore I could think of), you obviously say no because the Giants have the ball on the 15 and it’s 3rd and goal because of a holding penalty. We call that prime Saquon the Savior time. She compels you to do it. You miss the hurdle to stiff arm to extend the ball over the corner greatness. The worst. Just kidding, flag thrown on the play, hold on Sterling Shepard on the opposite side of the field. 3rd and 25.

You come home after a long day sharpening your sword and practicing forms, you remember that Timmy the Tinker was showing your wife some pottery. You walk into the bedroom and see Timmy tinkering your wife. You go to pull out that freshly sharpened sword but NOOO. She compels you to watch because she has a cuckolding fetish. You weep silent tears. She compels you to let Timmy tinker you because she’s finished and he still hasn’t found the one song of his dick. That’s the way of the leaf for ya.

So Nynaeve and Egwene finally get to the tower and meet Sheriam. Sheriam keeps trying to make Nynaeve a novice and Nynaeve pulls a Birdman and tells her to put some res’peck on my name. I am a sucker for those ring test chapters to be raised to novice, and the Nynaeve one is just so well done. Robert Jordan has some chapters that just hit differently, I get pulled in and remember when all the bullshit is going on how he can go from overdoing it to mastering it. I’m just realizing it seems a lot of these moments for me are the Nynaeve and Lan love saga. Just so well done. When she is forced to choose between the fake reality where she has everything she wants, Lan as her husband and restored to his glory, kids, the works and the bleakness that is the world she currently resides in, my heartstrings are just pulled. I may have started to tear up… I swear I am not a little bitch despite what the evidence points too.

I was worried I wouldn’t have anything to write about. Silly me. Happy Friday!