WELLLLLCOME to another edition of the greatest audiobook recap in blog form this side of the Atlantic or Pacific. Since I haven’t been training for anything in particular I haven’t made much progress on the book, hence my lack of updates. I also have been lazy about writing these. That is more the real reason.
Regardless, here we are on this not lovely Friday so lets talk about the WoT. Where we last left off our fearless hero was getting fucked over by the snake homies, bravely coming out ahead with a new weapon. Rand on the other hand decides he is about that smoke and delves into the realm of Rudian.
The thing with Rhuidean is that the challenge of surviving it is to essentially watch the history of the Aiel through various ancestors of one line of people and to not feel so tortured by the knowledge that you feel like you have to kill yourself. Seems pretty simple to me, its not like you are watching the sexual history of your parents or witnessing a genocide through the eyes of a torturer. There is no Netflix in the WoT so I think I would love the opportunity to catch a quick memory flick.
So the tale of the Aiel goes like this: The Aiel used to be soft as shit travelling people who were tasked by the Aes Sedia to carry a bunch of magical crap around after the breaking of the world. Since the Aiel followed the way of the leaf, which means they won’t murk anyone, they were constantly getting fucked over and murdered and enslaved and stuff. Eventually they gave up that life and started becoming masked murdering desert gangsters. Also before the breaking of the world, there were flying cars and lightning sticks. Thats pretty cool.
We all know the kind of man Rand is, so of course he doesn’t get anything out of the movie. What he does do is arguably the most important action in the entire series. When he walks out of Rhuidean he sees our hero dangling from a rope and winds up actually saving him. For this I am eternally grateful. Gratitude, what a way to end a blog
God damn I did not realize last week I just did a recap of the third book meaning that update 1 for this book has the potential to be absolutely massive. Checking the progress on the audiobook I am a quarter the way through it, which is the not-so-crazy 10 hours to cover. If I am not communicating sarcasm effectively well that is the fault of the reader not the writer.
This book is fucking massive. Sometimes since I typically read things on the Kindle app (no free ads) the size of a book never really crosses my mind. Unless of course it is the Dark Tower, where every book felt like 1,000 pages too long. This book actually is over a 1,000 pages which is insane to think about. This book is also the start of the plot meandering, since Jordan is not exactly known for his brevity. Whatever it has been great so far.
In order to avoid having to write 90,000,000,000 words talking about all the great stuff that happens, I think I will cover two parts. The first is always the introduction. I actually just read that this is the only book without a prologue in the series. Whatever the first chapter is essentially that. We start the book with the ever rare Min POV. Min’s eternal war in subverting gender roles has unfortunately hit a snafu as she must do away with britches and throw on a dress in order to infiltrate the seemingly easy-as-hell to enter White Tower in order to deliver Moiraine’s message from 40 years ago to the Amrylin. I don’t care about those two meeting at all, I just like Gawyn, who she runs into on the way. Bornhold goes to the Two Rivers with ya boy sneaky Ordeith. I also don’t really care about that but I like the part where Ordeith is saying how he hasn’t tortured anyone but later says he was torturing some I think travelling people but they don’t count since no one will even notice. Just found that part funny.
As to some actual action that effects important people. I’m talking the Ta’vern Trio. The Big Three if you will. Rand has started to go low key psycho, and as a result he starts using the one power to “acciedently” try to murder his friends. First off is your boy beared Perrin. See clean-shaven Perrin is a guy you could trust. An offensive lineman who is an all around decent chap. Bearded Perrin is a horned up maniac. First off the guy almost gets killed by his own ax, but fortunately he is able to stop Rand’s attempts at murder. Bearded Perrin fuckksssss, no doubt about that. Ask Faile.
Then the hero of the story is busy hustling some lordling losers in cards like a regular Phil Ivy (that is the only pro poker player I know) when the cards start trying to fight back. Mat has that drip. He is in a fresh new coat, he has a bunch of Tear lords sons eating out the palm of his hand, hes checking out the ladies anddddd he gets that feeling that he is about to make some cash money. Turns out Rand can’t possibly leave him alone and the little pictures on the cards try to murder him. Mat throws knives at the cards, which is a dope defense and saves himself. DRIP.
I guess this forces me to talk about Rand. So Rand is in his chambers when Berelain decides she wants to booty call him. There is not doubt that Berelain is that bitch. She is the First of Mayene, which is a tiny little shit country, but she is also wild hot. I know this because every chance that little horn dog Robert Jordan gets, he talks about her tits and ass. Rand of course is a little bitch boy, so instead of laying down the dragon, he traps her in some air. Maybe he is one of those dudes who gets off on watching naked women be tortured without doing anything? Who knows the levels of Rand’s depravity. Either way, some reflections come out of the mirror and start fighting him. He wins, but the reason behind this is obvious. He had to make it look like he wasn’t trying to activly kill Perrin and Mat so he faked having his reflections try to kill him. Loser.
That about wraps up one fraction of this monstrosity. I think next week I will try and do the battle that takes place in the Stone of Tear. Mainly because it is the easiest subtitle. I also want to do a little deep dive into Mat’s run in with the doorway ter’angreal. Happy Friday!
Final Notes: Since I did not Photoshop an image for this week here is a little bonus. It is supposed to be a picture of Gawyn though I didn’t think much of the original. Also I took the over last night at 41.5. Not even close.
What up whatup it’s time for a quick update on my journey through the Eye of the World audio book. Whatup3321 was one of AIM screenames back in the day and let me tell you it still plays. My initial idea of recapping my audio book experience while also talking about the training I have been undertaking is still on. It is just a little difficult to combine the two but I shall do my best.
Currently I am training for the Brooklyn Half which is May 18th. There is no specific goal in mind, earlier this year I hit my goal of an under 1:50 half with a 1:49:10 so I guess the next natural milestone would be a 1:45. I am not going for it on this one, I want to run it with my gf and help her hit her goal of under 2:00. Prob will wait until the Newport Half to go for it, but I don’t know how my body is going to react to training for my first marathon. Right now the focus has been on increasing my mileage. I know a lot of people talk about doing a 10% increase every week but honestly I do a lot of other stuff on top of running like playing soccer and basketballs and increasing that quickly every week is just going to kill me so I have been doing it every two weeks. This is the first week I am going for 33 miles and so far so good. I also have been experimenting with some speed workouts, my gf is on a training plan that I also follow. I just use the rest days on her plan as the days where I finish up my mileage. It seems to be helping, I just ran the UAE Kidney 10k in 49:10. Not great in terms of what I wanted but there was no rest in preparation for it so whatever. I kind of want to continue to talk about running in the future. It holds me accountable in the sense that if I put it out in the world I am more inspired to do it, and also I just really like talking about running. As someone who used to scoff at the idea of running any further then one restraining line to the other, this is kind of comical. I understand how much of a tool I can come across as, but fuck you its my blog.
Now that that is out of the way, back to the Eye of the World. I think my memories of how I felt about this series are clouded, I initially remember wondering if it was ever going to end, that it was literally dragging on forever and it teetered on ridiculous. I also was at a really weird place in my life while reading this series so I don’t know im my memory is tainted.
That being said, I am thoroughly enjoying the audiobook. I happen to remember a lot of the action in the first book so nothing is coming as a surprise but honestly I think a large part of my enjoyment is that the writing is simple enough that it is easy to follow while running. If it was overly complicated like MBotF (yes I had to look up what the reddit abbreviation of Malazan Book of the Fallen was because I am tired of typing it out) I am not sure I would enjoy it as it requires too much of being present or too much shit goes over my head. That’s what makes re-reading MBotF so enjoyable, but for WoT, the writing is well suited to audio. Also, though I clowned on the narrator initially, I now like the dude.
So the gang has gotten to Baerlon, and Nynaeve has just showed up to the party. DJ Thom got the club jumpppping and the whole crew was just soulja boying and douging their asses off. Fuck I am getting up there when those are the only two dances I could come up with off the top of my head. The hero of the story had just slung a stone at a cart soaking the children of the light and let me tell you, that guy gets comedy. Leaving your boy out to dry, HAHAH get it, wasn’t the coolest move but I forgive him. I am just up to the part where a fade shows up and asks Rand if he is trying to catch a fade. Shit is getting hot quick.
Re-reading this blog it occurs to me that it is all over the place. Give me an F for staying on topic.