Journey around the Wheel of Time

Eye of the World Audiobook Update 8

Sugar honey iced tea welcome to the 8th installment of a loosely based serial blog of me half listening to an audiobook and using the review format to rant and rave about life so if I you have been keeping up with this or are just tuning in (little TV lingo for ya) I have been listening to the Eye of the World audiobook not because the TV show is coming out and I wanted to freshen up on it so I could look down on people and feel o so smug as I tell them how much better the book is whilst dropping tidbits such as the always classic “that’s not how it happened in the books” and “I CAN’T even believe they changed that” as you slowly think of the fastest way to remove yourself from the conversation and never walk over to my desk again or text me back  but rather because I wanted to see if the story still held up after I read it years ago and mildly enjoyed the series despite the 10000000000000000000 (approximately of course) pages and story that spiraled more out of control then a night out on the town with former Knick great J.R. Smith aka as “you tryna get the pipe” DM line dropper.

That was a mouthful and I’m not talking about the eighth season of Game of Thrones (get it??? It sucked the big one [that is a fellatio joke {cue the irony joke drums as you stab yourself in the eyes with the green straw from a venti Starbucks iced coffee you purchased at the bargain price of $6.94}]). That sentence had more brackets then your office during March Madness. God I need to end this blog ASAP. Fridays am’I’rite???

Maybe I don’t need to spend too long talking about running this time around, I have been running 36 miles a week still. This week I am going to hit 37, next week 38, week after that 10 HAHAHA just kidding 39 just wanted to see if you were paying attention. Training is going well, my eyes recovered from their battle with bald head sunscreen. Got some solid time with our favorite team of destiny, and I am not talking about the Warriors. Cue the segway . . . speaking of the Warriors I hope all four people outside my family who may read this blog (not positive my family does TBH) don’t take any of my gambling advice. If you bet on the Warriors you are like me, someone who is losing to set up the COMEBACK. The hot streak of picking wrong is still on! Team of destiny my ass, you let stick figure Siakam and Raymond Feltons’ twin brother beat you. Won’t speak ill of Kawhi he’s amazing, OOO WAIT, I bet on him having a double-double and that fucker had 9 rebounds (he actually had 8 but 9 seems much more heartbreaking). I mean they were throwing up circus shots and it would just roll in no biggie.

Let’s talk the tav’ern team. Rand and Mat are out there doing their best Thom immpressions. Rand of course is being a little bitch, when some farmer’s daughter is giving him the ol’ lets take a barn yard roll eyes he gets all nervous and keeps playing his fiddle. Hey buddy you think she was just trying to make you nervous so you would keep playing because they are on a farm and haven’t heard music in their whole lives? All time loser. Mat on the other hand, legend. She gives him those eyes “It’s Goin’ Down” like a Yung Joc song. Or going down like Yung Joc’s career. Shout out to him he sounded good on that T-Pain song in 1987.

We should take this time to admire what Mat is doing. His healthy sense of paranoia is what that duo needed. Rand ready to trust any farmer with a straw hat, going to get himself diddled with that attitude. Mat on the other hand is ready to stab his own friend with a cursed knife from the evil pufferfish in order to SECURE THE BAG. Game recognizes game. Evil Mat is awesome.

O yea Perrin’s dumbass and Egwene got captured by White Cloaks. Good job bro. At least he killed some. Actually I think I mentioned this  last week. Happy Friday!

Final Notes:  Went to Book Expo yesterday (yea that’s where only publishing professionals and people selling weird book related merchandise no one wants go, talk about exclusivity) and saw that Robert Jordan is actually publishing a new book. I was going to ask if Jordan wrote the book whilst hanging out with Tupac, but I saw that the scientology publisher had delicious looking cookies so I decided to grab one of those instead. Just kidding I was too nervous to talk to anyone because I suck at networking hence why I hide behind a blog. Learned a lot about L Ron Hubba Bubba though. Let me tell you a little bit about him…

Journey around the Wheel of Time

Eye of the World Audiobook Update 7

Okay, okay, okay, it’s that time of the week where I’m going to ramble on about Eye of the World, running and touch upon gambling losses. I feel like I have been struggling with the running this week. With having the Brooklyn Half on Saturday and doing the City Manager’s 10-Mile Race to Remember this Sunday, I am in that intermediary week where I don’t have a long race to get these miles in and I don’t want to overdo it and be shot to shit by Sunday. So I fed myself a steady diet of 5-7 mile runs, and will close up the week with two 3 milers Friday and Saturday. Running consistent 5-7 miles everyday was just boring, I should have broke it up with something. I think I might shoot for a 40 mile week next week, since 10 of them will already be knocked out by the race Sunday and I don’t believe I have anything coming up.

There is one good thing about 5-7 milers every day, it gave me a shitload of time to make some progress on Eye of the World. I just finished listening to the part of the book where Perrin and Egwenes’ dumbasses get scooped up by the Children of the Light. RIP HOPPER YOU WERE A REAL ONE. I guess it really isn’t too depressing because I’m almost positive he lives on in the dream world. Kinda hard to get emotional over it. I call those two dumbasses because I never understand this, instead of hiding by the only identifiable object in the Stedding, just keep walking or lay down in the middle of the field. You have night vision Perrin, use it. Terrible showing by him just charging them and getting twerked in the head. Be better bro.

Update on the tres amigos. Boring, Nynaeve grow up already. Such a whiner. Looks like fucking CP3 after literally anything happens on the court. Moiraine is like Scott Foster. Lan is like somebody. Good job me.

I would be remiss in my duties if I did not touch upon the hero of the story and Lenny al’Thor. Things started to pop off in White Bridge, and honestly there is no one to blame here but Rand. If he just never spoke to Padain Fain, Mat would never be forced to have to make tough decisions like saying to Thom we gotta split up. Thom is a real one though. Charging a fade when you are 900 years old takes balls. His may be old and wrinkled, but they are most certainly there. Gracious of Mat to not steal the spotlight and take out the fade himself. Real heroes know to get everyone on the team involved.

And that is this week’s update. Remember kids stay in school.

Final Notes:

There is this book proposal going around my office today, and it is seriously the craziest thing I have ever read. It is at least 14k words long and it is the work a madman, I want to share it soooooo badly but I have a feeling I would get fired instantly. It’s ballsy as hell though, my man not only proposed a book, but also a subsequent movie, tv show and an app. I would love if people started sending me crazy ass book proposals.

I was riding a hot streak on the Bucks covering, but that came to a crashing halt last night. Kawhi had to be the most desirable free agent this summer. It’s weird, like he has such a solid image, seems crazy dependable, doesn’t cry to the media, doesn’t even have emotion when he gets called for something, is willing to limp around the court just to play and yet I still always question him because of San Antonio. I can’t wait to one day find out the real, or as close to real as things get these days, one day. Three blogs this week. What a legend. Final notes is a little out of hand on this one.

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Eye of the World Audiobook Update 6

No idea if that is the sixth update but looking over some of my recent titles I just keep putting the same title on it so for the sake of keeping a running series I gave it the number 6. Old school Miami Heat LeBron style. Actually that makes me gag. Looking up famous athletes who wore number 6 it’s like Bill Russel and Julies Erving, both dudes that are not from my time so I guess LeBron blog it is. Expect this blog to be extraordinarily self-centered and quick to blame others. Unless I succeed, then it’s all because of me. God I can’t stand that man. If he gets traded from the Lakers that will almost fill the void in my heart that Zion was supposed to fill. RIP in pieces to my dream of one day watching the Knicks without complaining the entire game. I guess I will also throw the Giants in that category.

I want to talk a little Warriors Blazers but I fell asleep at halftime so I won’t.

That’s talking hoops folks.

Back to the book. Hand up it wasn’t my fault but I was fed false information about the Mines of Moria part of the book by anonymous sources (my memory). A temporary lapse in memory from years of misspent youth had me thinking that weird out-of-world path that connects different parts of the world was where the Moraine gang was headed too but in actuality it was Shadar Logoth. I honestly really like this part of the story even though I think the running away from the Trollocs and the giant killing fart cloud is stupid. I love the move of the fat guy trying to get Rand and our hero Mat to try and take some gold. I would be diving in that pile grabbing annnnything I could lay my hands on. Quick thinking superstar Cauthon saw an opportunity to get his bread up and took it. Not his fault that it turned out to be cursed, honestly its Moraines fault for not being more on the ball. Like if there is cursed treasure and Foreskin running around let the crew know. Like she should know looking at Mat that he is going to try and get them stacks, so throw him a heads up. Fuck al’Bore I wish he took some.

Such an underrated move from Moridin just blowing up like a pufferfish. Not once in the history of media has the pufferfish move failed. Too bad it didn’t pan out. Maybe I had trouble hearing this part of the chapter but why can’t he just stab them? These are the kinds of questions that I had as I avoided puddles running in the rain for the 14th straight day.

But some good came out of the trip, all the characters split up. The book is much better when all the main characters have time to develop their own individual story lines. Though I don’t talk about him a lot because I think his story isn’t the most interesting, I really do enjoy Perrin. His chapters are a kind of nice pallet cleanser from the Rand teen angst shit and the cattiness of the Aes Sedai. Now that the dead weight has been cut off, it is time for Mat to truly shine.

And that kind of concludes the update. I guess I should mention that Kate Reading read to me for the first time. The switch off from the female narrator/female POV chapters to the male narrator/male POV chapters was refreshing. Also honestly all this rain has been miserable and made the beginning of the week a pain in the ass for getting miles in. Had to do my long run Saturday which meant I ran 37 miles instead of the 33 I had planned. Didn’t taper at all this week and now I am just sticking with 36 since the Brooklyn Half is Saturday. Might plan to do a race review, has nothing to do with fantasy nor pro sports but it’s my blog so if that’s what I want to write that’s what I am going to write.

Final notes: Had to go to Dumbo to get my race packet. Hadn’t been there since I interned at Melville House Publishing. Love that area and loved that internship, ABSOLUTELY hate getting there. Come-on NYRR it’s ridiculous that I can’t just go to the Run Center to get the packet. Shirt looks fire though.

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Eye of the World Audiobook Update

Hey as a new segment we are going to do “Mike is behind on the internet.” So on today’s segment I have a fantastic new announcement to make. Amazon Prime is making a Wheel of Time series or something and production starts in the fall. Remember this in five years after season one of that LOTR series airs. Incredible timing by me to decide to listen to an audiobook so that I can properly shame any fan of the show with my favorite intelligence shaming comment of all time, “This is not what happened in the book.” Now the natural retort would be to just say, “Hey Mike you are supposed to work in publishing but your spelling and grammar fucking suck you dumbass hack.” Well played. Credit to you.

Back to the audiobook. Been running my second 33 mile week and so far so good, at like 25 already this week so very ahead of the game. Seems like these long runs are getting a lot easier, I am supposed to be running the Brooklyn Half on May 19th and I planned on dropping the mileage to like 25 next week to kind of make sure my legs were in shape but I am not sure I really need to do that. Either way, running is going well.

So the book. Baerlon didn’t pan out so hot for the crew, the fade kinda ruined what was a fun time. Also Rand al’Bore just shouting out his whole life plan to Padain Fain probs didn’t help either. I would say that was Rand’s first mistake in the book, though no worries that clown ass fake dragon reborn makes many more. Also, I know this book does well in the sense of having strong female leads but I forgot how annoying the cattiness and posturing of characters like Nynaeve gets. Just feel like there are better ways for them to interact. Whatever it’s not like a deal breaker, but listening to it instead of reading it I just want the whining to stop. OOOO MORAINE DOESN’T TAKE ME SERIOUSLY. No shit she is out here making herself fucking giant and whipping people with her unbreakable staff and you are like o miss have a cup of tea for exhaustion. Know your role fam.

I think I am at the part where they just finish their first skirmish and are heading to that weird Mines of Moria portal world. The skirmish went well, of course all the characters instantly succeeded in fighting on horseback. Pretty sweet when Lan chops of the fades head and all Thom could say is “O you gotta wait until night for them to die, I think.” Buddy I am sure the magic lady and her super soldier are aware. Love Thom though, shout out to him. The hero of the story whipping people with his quarterstaff is Arya before Arya. Good for him, at least he actually takes some damage, unlike Rand who just willy-nilly hangs on for dear life falling off his horse. A real hero gets hit.

Final notes: I lost on Golden State the other night, just keeping it honest. Since I live in Jersey and can use *Gambling site pay me and you can appear here!* my friend asked me to put money on the Bucks for him. Thought that was stupid. Loved seeing a winning ticket that wasn’t my own.

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Wheel of Time Round 2

So I’ve been workshopping this idea to add some interest to my runs and thought about giving audio books a crack, because as my coworkers keep telling me, they’re so hot right now. I don’t know if that has any validity to it as my company has only ever made one audio book in the whole time I’ve been there, but we don’t publish trade books so honestly who knows. I get blasted in the eyeballs anytime I ever try to do anything with Amazon or the internet in general trying to pitch me audible and I got to say, just like that nasty ass looking orange vanilla coke commercial playing every second during march madness, if you just keep shoving it in my face eventually I will get suckered in.

Which brings me to the point of this whole blog. My plan is to have my first audio book be Eye of the World, which for the uninitiated (a fancy way of saying I read something, is book one of about ten million in the ever so highly regarded Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan. I’m going to be honest, it is a long, long, long series and contrary to what I think is popular opinion, what I remember being the best books are like the middle three. It’s not terribly complicated in the sense that you kind of know who is good and evil right away, and it does rely on what I call the Goku system of fighting, meaning that in order to win you just get more powerful or break new levels of what everyone thought was the limit for an ability or skill. But honestly I really think that this is a good series to try and listen too.

So all in all, as I am currently starting up marathon training, more on this another time, I think that I want something familiar that I vaguely remember. Looking forward to keeping an updated version of my progress on this, maybe I will tie it in to my runs or something.