Book Reviews

Never Die! Wrap-up: Never boring!

Here we go, after falling behind on book reviews it’s time to get back on the grind. Balancing this with creating the greatest fantasy podcast of all time has proven to be quite the challenge. Because of this, the blog has suffered. But I will tell you what has not suffered, the podcast. Find out for yourself by clicking the link below.

LINK TO PODCAST. LINK TO HAPPINESS.

On this episode we dissect #SPFBO finalist Rob J. Hayes’ Never Die! We also talk about our favorite sobriquet’s in the book, learn what a sobriquet is, break down his social media, give some thoughts on MayDaycon, talk The Last Dance episode’s 7 and 8, and gambling woe’s with the latest UFC fight! Approved by the author himself.

Rob J. Hayes is a writing machine, I think since he published the book last year he has published like 3 other books. He’s a self-publishing machine, and let me tell you he know’s how to write a compelling story. Never Die! (The Mortal Techniques) reads like that game Diablo 3. It is essentially a tale of revenge featuring people who utilize spirit like fucking Dragon Ball Z to do cool ass shit and kill lots of bad guys. It starts with one of my prologues ever, someone dead once said brevity is the soul of wit or some shit and Rob J. Hayes proves it with this 14 word masterpiece:

“Itami Cho woke to the screams of her own death. She remembered it all.”

I was in from that point on. His samurai, spirit, demon thriller follows a group of heroes brought back from the dead to kill the emperor of 10 kingdoms, as that dude is a bad guy. They follow this little annoying kid Ein, and are bound to him until they kill the emperor.

There are many reasons to love this thing, but one of the highlights for me were all the cool ass moves. Here is a list, since I am lazy and had already made the list for the podcast outline.

He taught the people of Unyun his second greatest technique, the Shimmering Sword.” Aka the whispering blade. THIS IS ALSO In SWORD OF KAIGEN. It is a blade that can cut through anything.
“He had a technique, one he refused to share with anyone. He could rain a hundred swords from the sky. Maybe he used that.”
“How do you disappear, leaving a mirage of yourself to blow away like petals on the wind?” Zhihao shook his head. “I’m not telling you that. It’s a trade secret.”
Flaming fist lights his fists on fire using chains dripped in oil. His special ability is it does not burn
Iron guts ability is he uses QI to make his skin harder then steel
Magic is called “Qi is spirit,” he squeaked. “We all have it, but some have more than others.” He slapped his belly again. “My qi is strong, and I know how to channel it. Now then…”
The art of war brings chess pieces to life

The chapter titles all describe a specific fight, which the chapter sets up and has play out. As someone obsessed with the idea of the duel, this appealed to me immensely. My favorite is right at the end, The Master of Sun Valley vs Sin and Saint. Such a fun fucking read.

Besides all these 1v1’s bringing on the classic bro adage, 1v1 me bro, they also fight a dragon consisting of a million snakes, some reanimated crab things, and a giant. Look, this book is ultimate chad. That really should be more then enough, but since I already have it written out here are a list of sobriquets, a word I only learned to use in the podcast.

Flaming fist

Red Bull of Fades,

Qing, often called Hundred Cuts

Murai, the Century Blade, the greatest living swordsman in all Hosa.

Fenwong, the drunkard.

Wandering Spear, one of Flaming Fist’s greatest captains

Cho is whispering blade

Zhihao Chang the Emerald Wind

General Sitting tiger
Seifon, the Broken Chain.
“Chen Lu, Iron Gut.”
Yanmei, the Last Bloom of Summer. Flaming fists daughter, the emrald winds lover
Roi Astara, deaths echo

The Steel Prince,

“The Art of War Daiyu Lingsen.” Is a girl wearing a mask

Broken Spear

Sin and Saint, both Wu’s bodyguards

Man I am getting lazier and lazier, but people do like lists

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Blood of Heirs Wrap-up: Ranoth ran

Instead of slowly leading into it, here is the link to the podcast. Click it, I hate working in an office. If you want two paragraphs of shameless self promotion before the review actually starts, continue reading. If not skip ahead.

YUUURRR it’s time for another of the greatest fantasy book reviews this side of the the storm wall. Thats a deeeeep Malazan reference that I am not even sure is being used correctly. As an aside before I get into this review, I have been working on a fantasy tattoo sleeve and my tattoo artist (@georgethewoody on instagram) had posted him giving someone a Bridgeburners tattoo on his story and that shit was cool. Gotta appreciate the dedication to the Malazan game to get that, because that is nottttttt a cool looking sigil. It took me 4 times to spell sigil correctly. Moving on.

Let’s call it like it is, Blood of Heirs (The Coraidic Sagas book 1) is popping. It was a finalist in #SPFBO 5, the self-published fantasy blog-off created by legend of the game Mark Lawrence. Alicia Wanstall-Burke is an awesome author and is a friend of the program. What program? Well the Swords and Sports podcast family of course. In fact I get the unique opportunity to interview her about the sequel to Blood of Heirs, Legacy of Ghosts. Not sold on the podcast yet? Well here is a resounding endorsement from the author herself.

Lets talk about the book before I lose you all in the shameless self promotion. Blood of Heirs follows two people, Ranoth and Lidan. Ranoth is the son of a Duke and the book starts off with him taking control of a force fighting on the border of the Disputed Territories. Well he fucks that up and so begins a journey of discovering he has magic and running away from his dad’s army because magic is outlawed. He meets his future (I hope) booooo thang and they both run away from the Ngaru, these dope zombie beast things. Also his bro is named Brit Doon, all time fantasy name.

Lidan has her own set of problems. First off her village and country have noooooo technology, like they don’t even have steel. Not a real problem but that sucks. Also she wants to be a hunter but since her dad is the chieftain and despite having 4 wives can’t get himself a dude heir, she is the heir and her bitch ass mom Selan won’t let her do anything. But when she kills a ngaru, all of a sudden she gets mad respect. So she starts training and winds up 1v1ing some goofball in the middle of a chieftain pow-wow. That about sums up her coming of age tale.

And in conclusion, due to the 59 instances of the magnificent word “fuck,” the copious amounts of violence, and the Ngaru getting a boner while hunting, this book gets a chad rating. Listen to the podcast, and buy this book because Alicia is awesome.

As an added bonus, here is some of the prep material for the podcast for the the segment “Three things I like”

Three things I like

  1. Ngaru: The creature, now exposed to the day, was something that might once have been a man, but had since lost the essence that distinguishes humanity from beasts. There was recognition in its glare, but only that of a predator sizing up its prey. The man who might have lived behind those eyes and dreamed within that head was long dead. By the look of the body, it wasn’t long for this world either. Great sheets of puckered skin peeled back to reveal bone and black, festering bands of muscle, with no sign of fresh red blood. The creature was hunched and malformed in the back, the disfigurement affecting the way it moved. It prowled, more than walked, low to the ground, with its large arms hanging and fingers welded around the hilts of two long knives—filthy, but sharp. It eased its weight from side to side, couched over thickly muscled legs and bare feet. If a man, a wolf and a bear ever birthed some unnatural offspring, this thing was it. Lol the Ngaru got hard from lidans fear
  2. The crone. This bitch is a survivor. She came with lidans mom Sellan an just kind of lives in her old filth
  3. Sellans punishment is the same punishment from Matilda, she locks fucking Lidan in a cave/cage with spikes.