Journey around the Wheel of Time

The Great Hunt Audiobook Update 7: It seemed so logical, then

What an ominous and unclear subtitle. First off I’d like to say RIP to Ingtar. Yes he was a darkfriend and betrayed Rand, but then again he betrayed Rand so could he really have been all bad? Quite the conundrum.

A dark start to the weekend for sure. If only that archer had shot Rand right in the heart… O I lament for what could have been. What an all time great line from Ingtar. I know it’s a serious moment but I just think of your friend convincing you to do something stupid after a long night out and just being like the next day “it seemed so logical, then.”

If you stuck with the blog this long after an odd start lets get right into it. Today is the weekly update of the number one Wheel of Time audiobook review and discussion. Who rated it number one? ME of course, if I speak it into existence then one day it will be true. At least that is what every corny ass motivational speaker or self-help book author says. More importantly though, it’s friday!

Had a great chance to knock out a lot of the audiobook this week, and I think by this time next week we will be taking a journey through the third book. By the time I finish listening to this entire series I will have ran 10 marathons, and written 500 blogs. Pretty crazy.

So one of my favorite parts of the entire series, partly because I actually remember it, was the duel between Turak and Rand. I don’t think I am alone in this, Reddit always seems to have one person chiming it about how much they love this. But you know what no one seems to talk about, just how great it would have been if Rand didn’t cheat and Turak ran him the fuck through with his sword.

I have to say every time I picture this fight I always find the idea that Turak has these like crazy long old lady nails hilarious. Like how the hell is he supposed to swing a sword around with these neon claws. Unfortunately this was our best chance to off the protagonist and Turak dropped the ball. This mush-mouth, cat lady nail having, old Irish golf pant wearing, skinny bitch couldn’t get the job done. Heron marked blade my ass. I think I would have rather seen that god damn kid Mat tricked into thinking there were ghost hound things running around take a chance at Rand over this clown. What an all time choke artist.

Lets talk about the hero of the series and his bravery in blowing the Horn of Valere. It was awesome. The fact that Arthur Hawkwing wastes time talking to Rand instead of the peoples champ is an all time snub. Him and his Snape nose can go roll in broken glass naked.

And that about wraps up this week in audiobook love. I have a special treat coming tomorrow. You guessed it, it is another blog. Real special. Lets get it.

Journey around the Wheel of Time

The Great Hunt Audiobook Update 5: Cause baby you’re a firework


I have not done a great job this week of putting up any blogs, which is crazy considering how much reading I have done since Monday. The problem is, I haven’t really come close to finishing everything, I have about 200 pages left in The Dark Defiles, 340 pages left in The Stone Sky and I just started The Ruin of Kings. Why did I start The Ruin of Kings when I have more than enough on my plate? Because I am a fantasy glutton. No I wanted to read it for job related things that I am not at liberty to discuss. That sounds so fucking cool. It’s not

So here we are with another week done and an audiobook update needing to be put out there. Since we are all in the trust tree on this blog I want to say that since I posted the last update I have only listened to about an hour of The Great Hunt. Been running a lot without headphones or by listening to music so obviously that means no audiobook. It is impossible to focus on an audiobook, for me at least, while doing hills, intervals or tempo runs so any day I am scheduled to run those I listen to music. That being said, the tempo run I had this morning was missssserable. I think for the 20 minutes I ran hard I averaged like an 8:15ish mile, which is honestly just fine with me. So at least performance wise I was where I wanted to be, but physically I was dying. I actually started to cramp a little bit in my side, which never happens to me so I don’t know what that was about. Safe to say that is the last I’ll think about it until it happens again.

The blogs subtitle speaks for itself, I am a huge Katy Perry fan. No it’s because Rand launched a firework at either a trolloc or darkfriend I really don’t remember. I do know that it was pretty cool. The highlight of what I read was of course the return of the legendary Thom, who of course is already banging out a much younger lady. What a boss. It does set up that fucking crazy murderous Thom rampage he goes on at some point. I remember originally reading it and it going completely over my head. I hope listening this time I pick up on it. I think I didn’t even realize it happened until I read something on it after the series was done.

And that pretty much sums up everything. Dull stuff but you know what, not everyone is a winner. That picture I made is funny as shit though. I think I am going to have to start using football players soon. Tis the season. Have a great weekend everybody.

Book Reviews

Closing the Gate: The Obelisk Gate Wrap-up

The sequel to N.K. Jemisin’s The Fifth Season is a spectacular continuation of an original, fresh take on the oversaturated fantasy genre. Picking up where The Fifth Season left off, the sixth season has befallen the Stillness. No it hasn’t but it would have been interesting if she just kept making up seasons and there were just 20 of them where different shit happened in all of them. Also that was my attempt to write a “professional” book review for a sentence and a half. If I wanted to do professional book reviews that ship has sailed a long, long time ago. There has to be people looking for book reviews from people who aren’t the losers who think they are professionals on Goodreads (no free ads) or from the “professionals” who are actually boring losers. Right? Please agree with me this is one of the foundational principles behind my whole idea for a fantasy blog. I guess I should mention this book won the 2017 Hugo Award. Probably deserved it. I think it goes without saying but there are extensive spoilers in this blog.

Well now that I have leaked out a little bit of my insecurity and my cry for acceptance is out of the way, let’s talk about The Obelisk Gate. I never thought that this could be the case, but Jemisin has an incredible way of taking what could easily be overly complicated or overdone magical concepts and just simplifying them enough that I can accept it and move on. Orogeny, and later just the flat term for magic “magic”, manifest in these weird biological and geological ways that make it slightly unclear what exactly the limits of the powers are, but because it doesn’t seem like any of the main characters have any idea what these powers can fully do, we are able to just be cool with it. The beauty of this book is the writing, Jemisin is able to masterfully capture the little details of interactions and thought that make the story seem so real. I admire the way even the grandiose conversations are littered with emotion and personality analysis.  Once again, this blog is beset with spoilers, if at this point you are not prepared for the spoilers, that’s on you chief.

We are treated to 3 POV’s in this book, well kind of, similar to the last book except this time they are on a linear timeline instead of hopping around like a bad sci-fi movie. Instead of three versions of Essun, which I’m guessing now was originally chosen for some shit relating to essence, we get Essun, her daughter Nassun, and Hoa the Stoner. O yea I think Schaffa flocka flame gets a chapter somewhere in here. He is fucking cool man, he’s part grandfather, part immortal super-killer who is some version of “the bad guy who is willing to do whatever it takes to achieve his goal who is morally ambiguous because that goal is to help the entire population of the world” archetype. A more learned man would probably know that term. Or provide examples. I shall do neither. His little deal with the voice coming from the weird thing in the back of his head is a really cool chapter that sets up mystery. I always enjoy a little family slaughter for the sake of the world type thing.

Essun is in Castrima under and struggling with a littttttle bit of identity crises. This is a woman who is used to hiding, instead she is kind of cast into the limelight and becomes an important part of the leadership squad. Faced with having to fit in, having to make decisions for the good of the comm, and meeting her long lost other leg of an isosceles love triangle, it’s safe to say she is struggling. Throw Alabaster telling her she is the key to catching the moon, which is apparently the reason the seasons are fucked, and it is safe to say she is swamped with struggles!

So essentially the point of this book is Alabaster went to some other city where he found out about a three party war between the stone eaters, Humanity and Father Earth and decides to break the earth one last time to try and end the war. In order to make things right Essun needs to catch the moon so it goes back into orbit and the seasons end and everyone is happy-go-lucky so they stop trying to kill everyone else. Some of the stone eaters don’t even care and just want to rule the earth and kill everyone. They are led by this guy Nassun names “Steel” which besides being a badass name, he essentially is your more proto-typical villain.

The key to catching the moon? It’s the obelisk gate of course! As Essun learns to use magic, which is I guess being able to manipulate peoples biological cells instead of just manipulating the earth, she learns to utilize the obelisks in ways she never dreamed!

Nassun on the other hand, is in a weird growing up faze where she is struggling to deal with her father, who as we all remember murdered her younger brother, and balance her new life in the found moon comm, run by fan-favorite Schaffa. I am unclear of her role in things, but I really enjoy her creepy descent into darkness, especially when she kills her annoying ass dad.

Overall this is an excellent middle book of the trilogy. The second book can always be really awkward because it struggles to recapture the magic of the first book while providing a bridge to the final book all while having to be entertaining in its own right. This book succeeds, the final battle between the lovely people of Castrima under and the Rennais gang was very satisfying. At least until Essun wipes them all out in two seconds by accessing The Obelisk Gate and unleashing world bending magic on them. I didn’t like that part at all and feel like the publisher made Jemisin end the book so it didn’t get too long so she went fuck it just blow it all up on us. It kind of reminded me of the Mistborn trilogy when Sazed just ends the war by reshaping the earth. It’s funny that a huge blast of magic always seems so anticlimactic to me. This book could have been another 200 pages and I still think it would have worked. I legit can’t wait to get to the next one.

Impostor's Workshop

The Impostors’ Workshop

I was listening to The James Altucher Show yesterday (yea I’m a big brain guy) and he had this guy Eric Weinstein on. I promise this has a point to it. Eric Weinstein was talking about confidence, something that every self-help book and therapist and successful business guy/gal talks about. You always get the standard stuff like you need to believe in yourself, just do it even if you are scared, or whatever other bullshit they think you want to hear. But Weinstein kind of skipped over that kind of useless crap and brought up this impostor idea to things, a kind of fake-it-till you make it philosophy I particularly connected too.

The idea is basically that if you look at an area that you would like to do something in, whether it is creative, academic, physical, spiritual or whatever else you can think of, and you are hesitant to try or pursue it because you don’t think you have the proper schooling, training, skills, confidence, talent, personality, body, etc. so what.

Yea my instant reaction to hearing that introduction is probably what you are thinking, how does that address the real issue, which is that I am literally paralyzed by fear because I know I am a fake. Well, Weinstein says embrace that. I’m paraphrasing a little but he said something along the lines of “So what if you are an impostor. Instead of trying to fight it, say to yourself, what if I am an impostor. Maybe my faking it is better then someone’s earnest attempt.”

Now to the point. The area I always have felt like an impostor in is creative writing. It doesn’t matter what I have done, there is always a sense of missing a crucial piece of schooling or training or whatever that makes anything I write suck. I even have had articles I have written published in actual books and websites from real publishing companies (humble brag, though they are medical, geography and media articles, which considering I have no formal education in any of those areas kind of goes with this theme) so there has been real feedback from real people that I am at the very least capable of writing coherent things, albeit non-fiction stuff..

But creative stuff is different, you really are putting yourself out there. Even in creating this blog I have this feeling of being an impostor. I admire the kind of people who can just do something and put it out there without fear. Every time I post something I think to myself how shitty it is. I even know that nobody reads any of this stuff or if they do I have no idea who I am but I can’t shake the feeling that I am going to be exposed as like a fraud. I read blogs all the time and think to myself that I can write better then that, yet I hesitate to ever actually write anything, and if I do I still get nervous putting it out there. So for the sake of embracing my inner impostor, here is some creative writing I had done years ago and occasionally revise. I am going to use this blog to self-edit and put out new versions of this every once in a while. That is the longest intro to doing something ever.

The Duel

He woke with a start, his eyes snapping open, head swiveling to take in the scenery quickly. His head was throbbing, that was no surprise. He was soaking wet, depending on what happened last night, that also was not surprising. As his vision cleared he saw his two people standing over him, one holding an empty bucket. Well that solved one mystery. Not trusting his voice, he groggily sat up and awaited the answer to the next mystery.

“Shes dead” Jacques said.

That certainly explained why the two men broke into his room and woke him. He attempted to get out of bed and stumbled to the ground, which proved particularly painful due to his lack of clothing and the direction he fell. The two moved to help, but he waved them off.

He slowly got to his feet and felt a small sense of pride, not many men would be able to stand when it felt like their head weighed a hundred pounds. Sometimes it’s the little things.

“so what do we do” Jacques asked after accepting his silence as an answer.

Still not trusting his voice he slowly walked to the table and sat. His treasure laid strewn across the table. He took the knife and began to chop the white, rocky powder into lines. After a few moments of doing his best imitation of a line cook, he was satisfied with their length and texture. Not for the first time, he reflected on society’s lack of recognition of the artistry this took. He proceeded to pick up the gold cylinder lying next to the pile and brought one end to the first line, the other end to his nose.

He inhaled deeply till nothing remained of the powder.

Instant awareness. Pure bliss. Power.

He was invulnerable.

Finally trusting his voice he simply stated “He dies then”

“Do you really…”

“Where is the sword” he interjected. He panicked for a moment, frantically looking around the room. But he knew where the sword was and went to retrieve it. Today, after countless nights contemplating, was the day he finally unsheathed the blade. He picked up the blade gingerly, caressing the handle like it was a lover’s flesh. To him it was.

“Today you finally get your wish” he whispered to the blade. He could see the confusion on his men’s eyes out of his peripherals, even when holding his heart’s desire there was not much he missed. They thought he was crazy. He was willing to accept that.

Months in a self-imposed prison, doing nothing but inhaling the white gold and drinking whatever they brought up from the bar, refusing to speak to anyone in person but Jacques, and spending your time talking to a sword might not be the behavior of a sane person.

It did not matter. For today the blade would see the light, and it would feast on blood.

“Just wait a little longer” he reassured the blade.

“Sir are you alright” the other one, Wilth asked. Wilth always spoke to him respectfully, even though he hadn’t spoken back to him in months. The man did what he was told. And was well paid for it.

He did not have time for questions, he picked his clothes off of the ground. His breeches had several holes in them and his shirt was missing a sleeve. It did not matter. He shuffled some of the powder into a satin pouch, tying the knot and placing it with the straw gingerly into his pocket. He placed the longsword on his back and exited the room, brushing by the two men on his way out.

He walked down the hall, his stride was confident, gone was the drug induced haze. As he made his exit, the innkeeper called “Blaser, you gon pay for the room or yer out.”  Blaser, yes that was what he was calling himself. He did not respond, continuing out the door into the afternoon sun.

Its time to kill. He still wasn’t sure whether it was the sword or his own imagination, but either way somebody was speaking to him inside his head. “Soon soon” he consoled the blade. He worked his way along the paved road, the neat two story adobe buildings lining the sides in perfect symmetry. His feet were taking him to the courtyard, which made sense considering that was where Bakmon would be. He walked in the middle of the road, his look was enough to make carts redirect themselves and foot traffic to find another way around.

Hawkers cut their pitch short as he walked by nervously waiting until he past. He pulled the pouch out, opening it just enough to dip the straw in. He inhaled until it felt as if he couldn’t breathe.

Awareness, bliss, power.

As he approached the courtyard it was obvious word had spread. Street toughs, well-armed with spiked maces, stood with expressions meant to hide their fear. He walked past, and as he did they fell in behind his 3 man entourage.

The courtyard was emptied, rare for this time of day. Though the reason for that was obvious, Bakmon himself was standing in the middle, sharpening his gigantic battle axe, surrounded by a gang of armored soldiers.

“So you are alive, well lets settle this the easy way” the orc said. Most men would have been intimidated by a 7 foot orc in malshon armor, but Blaser wasn’t most men.

He ignored the statement, walking towards Bakmon, not breaking eye contact. Bakmon looked away at his soldiers, “Make way you good for nothing fucks”. As if to reiterate his point he took the nearest soldier and tossed him a good 10 feet away. The soldiers quickly shuffled after that.

Blaser made his way towards the middle and stopped when he was two paces away from the orc. Bakmon was surprisingly well-groomed for an orc, his orange hair was pulled back in a bun, and he had a clean shave, which served to make his green skin shine brighter. Blaser continued to stare at him until Bakmon broke the silence.

“Here are their heads, I did not authorize this.” He pulled two heads from a sack lying by his feet and tossed them. A quick glance showed that one was a Subasi troll, the other some Igolo or Samkrit human.

“It does not matter they are your soldiers”

“I guess it doesn’t, just thought you would like to see them dead before you join them”.

The orc certainly didn’t lack confidence.  The soldiers backed up, giving the two warriors plenty of space. Blaser took the pouch out again, and after another inhalation, placed it back in his pocket.

Awareness, focus, strength.

He pulled the sword out and stared. The frozen flame, legendary sword of Licarious, given to him for safekeeping to never to be unsheathed, gleamed in the sun. He forgot where he was for a second as he stared lovingly at the sword. Its clear blade drank the sunlight, the red substance the crystal incased was darker then blood. The pommel was pure malshon, the grip well worn. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever laid his eyes on.

 Kill, must kill. Licarious had warned him, the blade demanded its price. Vaguely he remembered Licarious telling him to hide the blade and never hold it, for the blade could consume you. Blaser didn’t believe him at first, a sword was a mere object. But now he knew, this was more then a blade.

 He could see it in Balkmans face, the orc was scared, he hadn’t believed the rumors. His posture changed, he went from towering over Blaser to backing up defensively, giant battle-axe in a guard position. Without the sword this would have been a close fight, in Blaser’s condition he was as likely to pass out as to strike through the orc’s armor, but with the sword everything changed.

Despite the extraordinary difference in size and Blaser’s obvious lack of armor, he held no fear. Fear was something Blaser had never learned, even before the powder and the sword. He pulled his head back and laughed, the laugh of a madman. When Blaser was done he looked at Balkman, and saw a dead orc. The sword was silent. For now.

Book Reviews

The 5th Season Wrap-up

Let’s get into it. On this lovely morning before a four day weekend I have finally finished The 5th Season. So with iced coffee in hand (I’m basic) and something I picked up from my guy on the corner that isn’t crack, but certainly is as addicting, I am ready to dive into this wrap-up. Looking over some of my last few blogs it’s becoming apparent that I am starting to get a little too gassed up on my literary criticism. I think that is because I got in that rare zone where what I am reading, and I guess listening too, has me hooked. There is just a feeling that some books give that make it hard to focus on anything else, and let me tell you, The 5th Season is one of those.

It is certainly better for the brand for me to trash books since it is way easier to make fun of poor writing or a corny story then to come up with an entertaining way to talk about a book that I love. But I can’t in good faith trash this book. The 5th Season is excellent. When I was recommended this I was excited and to dive into something different, though of course naturally hesitant to try a new author and series. Since the A Land Fit for Heroes series has been such a mild disappointment, I really needed something to cleanse the palate.

The 5th Season is certainly a ride, it gets progressively darker throughout the novel. Like when I first started reading it I thought that my boss had given me a YA fantasy book and I was not pleased. Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with some good ol’ YA, when you are you know, 12. I mean you get this story and one of the character POV’s is this girl who has discovered she has magic powers and has to go to a school to learn how to use them. Another character is a young women who has progressed throughout the school and is assigned to work with a difficult, socially reclusive master wizard person. Sounds familiar right? Well boy are you wrong.

Sure those are the baseline things, but there are more twists throughout this then a nerds nipples in 6th grade when a barely sober substitute teacher puts on a movie and goes to sleep. The main storyline is about a woman seeking revenge against her husband. Lovely right? Well her husband murdered the shit out of their son for being a rogga, which sounds like an Australian insult, but means earth wizard. And that little girl who gets to go to wizard school? She was locked in a shed by her parents for two weeks until someone picks her up. That dude then proceeds to shatter her hand as a way of letting her know who is boss. Also one of her classmates gets diddled. Before I forget about that stubborn young woman trying to make a name for herself, she actually isn’t supposed to learn from that stubborn master earth wizard, she is supposed to fuck him so they can make a kid that the Fulcrum (which is the name of the school) can keep the baby and strap it to some machine where it lived a pseudo life as a vegetable.

Not your typical storybook stuff here.

The story never gets stale, it naturally progresses and at a certain point you just go fuck it I can’t predict this just power through. There are lots of elements of magic and the limits of this magic is kept conspicuous. The bad guys have a way of negating the magic which seems to level the playing field. If you know me you know I hate the old fashioned “My magic gets progressively stronger to conveniently solve the problem” trope that plagues good fantasy. Also known, by me, as the Goku effect. So to see that magic is not the all powerful answer to everything always makes me happy.

The book ends setting up the sequel perfectly, without that final end battle that is soooooooo epic that there can’t possibly be anything after, until of course the next book starts… Give me a book like this where the author isn’t afraid of killing people off or subverting expectations. Jemisin does a fantastic job of taking those expectations and dirtying the shit out of them, leaving us something dark and twisted, like the aforementioned 6th Graders nipples. Stay cool everybody and enjoy the 4th.

Final notes: If you read this and don’t see the obvious connector between the three characters then you are as smart as me. I was talking about this with my boss when I was about halfway through, and it dawned on me what I was missing. Really embarrassing. Also I mispronounced the shit out of a word and looked like a jackass. Go me!

If you at all care what I picked up from that guy on the corner it was a doughnut.

Last note, I love that Chance the Rapper put Acid Rap on Spotify, but the fact that it is missing Juice is criminal.

Journey around the Wheel of Time

Eye of the World Audiobook Wrap-up

As the first stop on the journey around The Wheel of Time series has come to it’s conclusion, I thought it would be worth the time to review the audiobook as a whole. As I mentioned in the beginning of this, I had zero prior experience with audiobooks. This desire to start one stemmed from me getting bored as fuck with all the other stuff I was listening too while running, as well as being convinced by Amazon’s Audible marketing campaign. That last part is kind of embarrassing to say, but whatever just being honest. The audiobook has accompanied my marathon training, and since the New York City Marathon is like 17 weeks away, I think that I am going to continue to fly through the series. 

The Eye of the World by Robert Jordan is the first book in a 12 part series known as the Wheel of Time, widely considered a classic series in the fantasy genre. If you are a fan of Tolkein, epic fantasy, or high fantasy this is an excellent series. While there are some adult aspects, this is a series that can be enjoyed by readers of any age. Having originally read the series about 5 years ago, my first impression of it was the length was a little excessive, though the payoff is worth it. It is longggggg as hell and because of this, the series has a tendency to meander and get bogged down in a lot of not entertaining chapters. I actually remember getting pretty bored with it at points and not enjoying it as much as some of the other stuff I had read at that point, but after listening to the audiobook I am not sure that this was an entirely fair opinion.

I think it is important to point out that I did listen to this, and as an audiobook it was a lot more interesting. When the book kind of slowed down I was able to just zone out a little and focus on the running. It was easy to follow along with the story while running, but I also remember the general gist of the plot. I would highly recommend listening to an audiobook of some fantasy series you keep promising yourself you are going to re-read knowing full well you are never going to get around to it. Gave me an entirely different perspective of the book

The Eye of the World as a singular story at its core is your run-of-the-mill chosen one tale. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but if you want something that differs from the norm, this might not be for you. If you look at the characters, creatures and plot, the first book especially is eerily similar to LOTR. Their are Orcs, Ents, chosen one and accompanying friends from his village, an ambiguous evil power, and magic (trolocs, Ogier, Rand and friends, Balzamon and the one power). The differences are what make this a special book.

With a more modern writing style and less focus on the way the trees hit the wind, this book is fantastic. The scope of the world is enormous, it feels like every chapter we are introduced to a new element of magic, abilities and creatures. The plot itself is solid, three villagers are chosen by The Pattern  which is some weird universal power that seeks to balance out the world, to fight the dark one who seeks to finally take over the world. Rand is an absolute loser and as a main character he is annoying as shit, but his storyline is cool enough to make up for it.

The book has the inevitable ending where the good guys win, but because this thing is 12 books long, it sets the scene nicely for the next book. I can’t wait to dive into the Great Hunt. Wow this was almost like a real review. Props to me for being able to write something mature. Fuck Rand. Had to throw in something immature.

Journey around the Wheel of Time

Eye of the World Audiobook Update 11

On this edition of Eye of the World Audiobook Update we will be discussing the magic of rain. For anyone who lives in the New York area, you may have noticed that the rain has been unrelenting. There is nothing more pleasant then running with your sneakers getting progressively more and more drenched as your toes wrinkle to fucking raisins and your nipples rubbing your shirt like two skeletons fucking. I’m talking friction folks. Throw in an ineffective rain jacket that I have to tie over my head to stay somewhat dry, causing a sauna suite effect and let me tell you this week has been great!

Wet testicles aside, It’s not alllllll bad so lets get to the good stuff. The mileage has been alright, I have fallen off the 35-40 mile range this week, unless I run a solid 10 tomorrow, which I am not, but still I’ve gotten some quality work in despite the weather. The truth is as much as I would like to blame the weather I really just didn’t have a great week running. I know that falling off 6 miles from what I would have liked to run is not that big a deal, but it feels like one. I would like to kick it up to the ever elusive 40 mile week next week in preparation for the beginnings of my 16 week marathon training plan. I think it is going to be a lot of fun posting the mileage and workouts for the week and writing about how they are going. I am going to steer away from using the Audiobook Updates as my running updates and make that a separate thing. With some reflection despite it not feeling like I am improving the numbers don’t lie, I am. Cutting 45 seconds off my 10k time, which is a distance that I don’t like racing at, is a big improvement. This shit takes time which is something I always fail to recognize.

I did get a lot of time this week to knock out a lot of the audiobook. We last left the gang having their happy go lucky reunion time, actually no we didn’t but they had this happy go lucky reunion. At this reunion, ya girl bring the pain Moraine just straight up said “My g’s we rolling to the eye of the world, can I get a ye yeeeee” The response was mixed. They decide that they are going to take the ways, and for anyone who has actually read one of these and not just liked my article on the reader thingy on Wordpress, I had actually thought they went to the ways way before this.

So they get to the ways, and you will never guess what the evil villain in there is, MORE WIND. Grey wind, black wind, doesn’t matter, Robert B. Jordan has one enemy in mind and he is going to adapt it to all situations. The highlight of this whole thing is when Egwene is giving Rand that ol’ “O who is THAT” routine and Perrin drops the bomb, “you been hoeing too, I seen you twerking on whatever his name is” and Matt hits her with the “you thing that’s impressive Rand has farmgirls milking him up and down the Queens Road.” Those are some loyal ass friends. Mat especially. Egwene was mad at the time, but you know how these things go, you ain’t attractive to someone until they see someone else finds you attractive. Also I love Loial going with the classic fat guy move when he says “I know where we are trying to go, butttttt these other places are so much closer.” Moraine tells him to go sit on a spear.

In conclusion, these terrible recaps that only make sense to someone familiar with the books is over. I heard they got some big name actress to play Moraine. I have no idea who she is, but honestly is should have been Jessica Walter. For no reason but I find her hilarious. I hope Carrot Top gets cast as Rand.

Final Notes: No events for a while so the race reviews will be put on hold. Also I bought “Lets Go Eevee” for the Nintendo Switch and what the fuckkkkkkkkk is up with that system of throwing pokeballs at wild pokemon instead of battling them? That’s like half the game. You actually get XP points for this. RIDICULOUS! I beat Brock with a god damn Eevee and have not been to a pokemon center the entire game. Back in my day you had to grind to get good enough to beat the first gym leader, and thennnnn you could coast to the Elite Four. Snowflakes ruining a classic. Stay dry everyone.