Journey around the Wheel of Time

The Dragon Reborn Audiobook Wrap-up

Feels like years ago but I have reached the end of The Dragon Reborn. In truth I reached the end of the audiobook one day after my last write up, which makes remembering all this stuff quite the challenge. No challenge is too great for the number one audiobook fantasy blogger of The Wheel of Time so lets get after it.

I would like to talk about the ending because it is super boring. As you can guess since their are other books in this series, the good guys win. Though I deeply question at this point if Rand al’Chore is even a good guy. I call him Rand al’Chore because I feel like it is a chore to have to listen to anything involving him. Cue the joke drums.

Rand seizes Callandor and defeats one of the foresaken. Honestly it is kind of unclear who he actually defeats because he believes he smoked Ba’alzamon but he is of course a dumbass and is wrong. The giant magic fights at the end of the books are easily the most boring part. Through this second run of the Wheel of Time I have a much greater appreciation for Moiraine. She is ruthless, her entire plan was basically to just run up on Be’lal and use this crippling balefire that she knows the consequences of using and hope that she gets him. If not than shes fucked and will die. And you know what, it works.

As for the book overall, I found the third book to be much better than the previous two. We are done with kind of creating the world and developing the the basics of the characters, instead we get to actually work on the story. The lack of Rand chapters is also a major plus. But on a more serious note these books are best when the characters are less focused on the intricacies of the one power and are interacting with the world around them. Jordan does such an excellent job of introducing characters and people that make these interactions so enjoyable.

Some of the hightlights of this book I have talked about at length, though if I had to pick a favorite it would be when Perrin and Gaul massacre all those whitecloaks. Such a solid read, you can go back to my blog on that if you want a deep dive into it. Actually thinking about it, it seems like a majority of my favorite parts of these books involve the Aiel. I kind of remember them getting super annoying later on but for now I enjoy them. Also Mat coming back to basically life is amazing. On to The Shadow Rising!

Final Notes: So I think that I have to cancel Mat’s Money Makers blog series because it clearly is a curse. Took the Chiefs last night at -3 and they covered. It seems like destiny

Journey around the Wheel of Time

The Dragon Reborn Audiobook Update 4: All roads lead to Tear

Today is Friday and everyone knows Fridays are for updating the world on an audiobook I exclusively listen to while exercising. The journey around the Wheel of Time has been quite the thrill, the sweet sounds of Michael Kramer and Kate Reading have blessed my eardrums with nothing but the highest quality fantasy this forlorn world has to offer.

That opening paragraph was the blogging version of repeating the question to stall for time. The problem with doing all those Mat quotes last week was I kind of forgot where I left off so this recap is without a doubt going to be out-of-order with a heavy focus on recency.

Lets start with ya boy Perrin. Perrin is not what we would call your traditional ladies man. Sure the boy is a good looking meat monster, but his soft ass beta attitude directly impacts his ability to capitalize. He rolls in on Moraine half dressed and the dude just wants to talk. She even goes so far as to drop a hint, saying something along the lines of “you are a good looking man” or some other coy Aes Sedai flirting technique and the dude is just stuck in his own head. O well Zarine Bashere enters the picture, so Perrin’s non-player days are pretty much over at this point anyway.

I would like to talk about Perrin’s clear highlight of the book. Look Perrin puts in that fucking work, no one would ever call the guy a bitch, and there are a few times in this book in particular when he goes green-eggs-and-ham on some fucking clowns. The first was when he smoked that Myrddraal with the ax, sure the woman he was trying to protect died but that is irrelevant, the actual fight was hardddddd.

So in Remen two hunters of the horn have captured an Aiel man, later revealed as Gaul, and left him in a cage in the town square. Perrin springs the dude from the trap when they encounter a group of whitecloaks. I fucking love the Aiel sometimes, that whole wrapping the black cloth around their faces thing and dropping dope one-liners gets me every time. True to form Gaul drops an all timer “Do you like to dance, Perrin Aybara” and then the two of them absolutely slaughter the whitecloaks. I know Perrin hates killing but damn that is a fun read.

This is getting long so I guess I will have to do some highlights. Nynaeve, Elayne and Egwene meet the maidens of the spear and we get introduced to Aviendha (no way I will ever remember how to spell that). Unsurprisingly get nabbed again and are being sold to a couple of Myrddraal when the Aiel come and save them. At this point the Aiel have completely massacred all the dark friends, and they have the two Myrddraal surrounded. Now it’s mentioned 9,000,000 times how Myrddraal scare the shit out of everyone, but the Aiel are taunting them with classic barbs and completely humiliating these evil ghost ghoul things.

As they circled, the Aiel drummed their spears against their small hide bucklers. Thrum-thrum-THRUM-thrum . . . thrum-thrum-THRUM-thrum . . . thrum-thrum-THRUM-thrum. The Myrddraal turned with them, and their eyeless faces seemed uncertain, uneasy that the fear their gaze struck into every human heart did not seem to touch these.
“Dance with me, Shadowman,” one of the Aiel called suddenly, tauntingly. He sounded like a young man.

So fucking badass. Aiel are awesome.

I want to close this with an update on the hero of the story. Mat delivers a letter to Morgase, who he thinks about dancing with just thought it was important to add that the man has the confidence to try and get with the Queen, and is mad at Gaebril for kind of demeaning him and planning to kill Elayne, Egwene and Nynaeve and drops a classic.

“What’s this, lad? Coin?” “Stakes.”Gaebril doesn’t know it, but he and I have a wager.” The cat jumped down as Mat picked up the wooden dive cup and spun the dice out on the table. Five sixes. “And I always win.”

Happy Friday!

Final Notes: This is going to seem like bullshit, but I actually bet the Rams at +1.5 last night and of course didn’t write about it. Proof is here:

Journey around the Wheel of Time

The Dragon Reborn Audiobook Update 2: A wolf and a white tower

Fresh off of losing even more money on the illustrious FanDuel app (sponsor me por favor) is the Friday Wheel of Time Audiobook update. Having put in some hefty mileage since last week there is plenty to talk about. First though, I know that title makes it seem like Perrin had some crossover with Tar Valon. He didn’t, it is just a much better subtitle.

BUT that doesn’t mean that there was no Perrin. In fact I thought this entire book was Perrin. Which is not a bad thing, he has a lot of action happening around him. He is at the point now where he is being bombarded by this wolf life and he is being a little bitch about embracing it. Like your boy Hopper, a true OG, is basically telling Perrin to stop being a baby and the guy can’t get out of his own head.

So essentially Trollocs run up on the little winter Dragonsworn camp and Perrin gives them the fucking business. A little weird that he fights with the wolves, but I get hyped up when Robert Jordan does a battle scene without magic. Young Bull, Perrin’s alter ego, is a legend of the fight game. He just runs around barefoot chopping trollocs and fades with a giant fucking ax. His fight with the fade is dope, Perrin is an awesome undisciplined brawler. You know who is a wack fighter? You guessed it! RAND. When Perrin goes to find him Rand is crying about how he did nothing. Good job bro. Pathetic.

So post battle your boy Perrin, Lan, Loial and Moraine start following Rand. They roll up to this village, where everyone is busy fucking because Rand came through and basically started up a giant orgy. Not exactly true, as these people were getting married first, but what is marriage but an excuse? Some would say Rand shares many tendencies with Lucifer himself. This innkeeper asks Moraine to heal his brother, but when she and Perrin go to see the brother, they can’t do anything as the brother has basically become a wolf. This chapter shows the depth of Moraine’s character. It is so easy to see her as uncaring and cold, but in actuality the way she talks to Perrin and shows sympathy just makes her continuously more likeable.

On to the White Tower. The hero of our tale is unfortunately incapacitated at the start of this book, he has come down with a case of evil magic sickness. So Verin, Egwene, Nynaeve, Elayne, and Hurin the crime watchdog sniffing out crime from Tear to the Two Rivers get accosted by these White Cloak goons while trying to get Mat to the White Tower. I lovvvvve this part of the book because I find it so funny. This scene reminds me of like getting mugged by people with knives, when all of you are holding guns. Verin is diplomatically trying to get shit done while Egwene the whole time is getting more and more impatient until finally she pulls out the uzi and starts blasting those clowns with the one power. Elayne and Nynaeve are so relieved to not have to listen to Verin’s terrible attempts at diplomacy and start popping off as well. They absolutely body the White Cloaks in like three seconds. Then as Verin is trying to discipline them, she is just resigned to the fact that it worked. OOOOO WELL.

When they finally get to Tar Valon, we are treated with an Amyrlin Seat chapter. Of course this means stupid fisherman expressions but looking past that I enjoy Siuan as a POV. My time with the audiobook ended with rain blasting me at about mile 5 yesterday, so until next week that is all.

Final Notes: God damn it Cam.

Journey around the Wheel of Time

The Dragon Reborn Audiobook Update 1: Prelude and Perrin

Hard to imagine that I am on book three of this Wheel of Time journey. But for real it actually feels like I should be on book 234 by now. I mean for 60% of my runs I listen to these audiobooks and based on the other weekly series of this blog, Marathon Monday’s (on Tuesday’s), one would think that I would fly through these things. But you forget that these books are god damn enormous. Also maybe I don’t run that much. Just kidding it’s never my fault. Also that statistic is totally made up. Stats are for nerds. Unless they prove my point.

So intro out of the way, I am on to The Dragon Reborn. Easily one of the better titles of the series. By titles I literally mean the title of the book, I forget if this is one of the good ones. Because as of right now, we got teenage angst Rand, who is pulling his best Antonio Brown impression and just refusing to cooperate. Like when I was listening to the Perrin chapter and it is going something along the lines of Perrin saying “if you know Morraine is right, why are you being such a disagreeable little bitch” I envisioned Tyrell Williams saying this exact thing to Antonio Brown about Mike Mayock. I promise I did not know another Raider WR of the top of my head and had to look that up. I know I said I refuse to do research but I also made up that declaration.

On the topic of research, this book has a great chance to be enjoyable due to the simple fact that 2.4% of the book is Rand’s POV. That one is not made up, I pulled it from that WoT wiki. I would count this as a blessing, as already Perrin sees right through Rand’s bitchassness and starts taking charge by hitting on all the women that are into Rand. He is playing the friend/confidant role to Min, trying to get in her good graces so that when she needs a shoulder to cry on about ol’ Randy, Perrin can slide up in them tomboy cheeks. Lanfear even smells how soft Rand is and tries to throw her hat in the mix of being in the Perrin pack. I had another word to throw in that sick alliteration but that crosses a line even for me.

I may have mentioned before that the prelude chapters are some of the best chapters in the series and this prelude is no exception. The concept of the Children of the Light is one of the more interesting concepts of the book. Here they are just super anti-magic so they go around essentially trying to bully everyone under the guise of trying to keep people pure. It’s an awesome militant group that adds a kind of predictable yet entertaining third hat in the ring. Pedron Niall is a fun character. His little quest for glory revels a lot about the inner workings of the Children and kind of mirrors the Forsaken in their individual motivations taking precedence over the fake one-for-all goal.

Final Notes: Yes I watched the game last night. If you bet with me you are dumb. Go Giants! I know I did zero book reviews and I didn’t do my vaunted country review. O well.