Journey around the Wheel of Time

The Dragon Reborn Audiobook Update 4: All roads lead to Tear

Today is Friday and everyone knows Fridays are for updating the world on an audiobook I exclusively listen to while exercising. The journey around the Wheel of Time has been quite the thrill, the sweet sounds of Michael Kramer and Kate Reading have blessed my eardrums with nothing but the highest quality fantasy this forlorn world has to offer.

That opening paragraph was the blogging version of repeating the question to stall for time. The problem with doing all those Mat quotes last week was I kind of forgot where I left off so this recap is without a doubt going to be out-of-order with a heavy focus on recency.

Lets start with ya boy Perrin. Perrin is not what we would call your traditional ladies man. Sure the boy is a good looking meat monster, but his soft ass beta attitude directly impacts his ability to capitalize. He rolls in on Moraine half dressed and the dude just wants to talk. She even goes so far as to drop a hint, saying something along the lines of “you are a good looking man” or some other coy Aes Sedai flirting technique and the dude is just stuck in his own head. O well Zarine Bashere enters the picture, so Perrin’s non-player days are pretty much over at this point anyway.

I would like to talk about Perrin’s clear highlight of the book. Look Perrin puts in that fucking work, no one would ever call the guy a bitch, and there are a few times in this book in particular when he goes green-eggs-and-ham on some fucking clowns. The first was when he smoked that Myrddraal with the ax, sure the woman he was trying to protect died but that is irrelevant, the actual fight was hardddddd.

So in Remen two hunters of the horn have captured an Aiel man, later revealed as Gaul, and left him in a cage in the town square. Perrin springs the dude from the trap when they encounter a group of whitecloaks. I fucking love the Aiel sometimes, that whole wrapping the black cloth around their faces thing and dropping dope one-liners gets me every time. True to form Gaul drops an all timer “Do you like to dance, Perrin Aybara” and then the two of them absolutely slaughter the whitecloaks. I know Perrin hates killing but damn that is a fun read.

This is getting long so I guess I will have to do some highlights. Nynaeve, Elayne and Egwene meet the maidens of the spear and we get introduced to Aviendha (no way I will ever remember how to spell that). Unsurprisingly get nabbed again and are being sold to a couple of Myrddraal when the Aiel come and save them. At this point the Aiel have completely massacred all the dark friends, and they have the two Myrddraal surrounded. Now it’s mentioned 9,000,000 times how Myrddraal scare the shit out of everyone, but the Aiel are taunting them with classic barbs and completely humiliating these evil ghost ghoul things.

As they circled, the Aiel drummed their spears against their small hide bucklers. Thrum-thrum-THRUM-thrum . . . thrum-thrum-THRUM-thrum . . . thrum-thrum-THRUM-thrum. The Myrddraal turned with them, and their eyeless faces seemed uncertain, uneasy that the fear their gaze struck into every human heart did not seem to touch these.
“Dance with me, Shadowman,” one of the Aiel called suddenly, tauntingly. He sounded like a young man.

So fucking badass. Aiel are awesome.

I want to close this with an update on the hero of the story. Mat delivers a letter to Morgase, who he thinks about dancing with just thought it was important to add that the man has the confidence to try and get with the Queen, and is mad at Gaebril for kind of demeaning him and planning to kill Elayne, Egwene and Nynaeve and drops a classic.

“What’s this, lad? Coin?” “Stakes.”Gaebril doesn’t know it, but he and I have a wager.” The cat jumped down as Mat picked up the wooden dive cup and spun the dice out on the table. Five sixes. “And I always win.”

Happy Friday!

Final Notes: This is going to seem like bullshit, but I actually bet the Rams at +1.5 last night and of course didn’t write about it. Proof is here:

Journey around the Wheel of Time

The Dragon Reborn Audiobook Update 2: A wolf and a white tower

Fresh off of losing even more money on the illustrious FanDuel app (sponsor me por favor) is the Friday Wheel of Time Audiobook update. Having put in some hefty mileage since last week there is plenty to talk about. First though, I know that title makes it seem like Perrin had some crossover with Tar Valon. He didn’t, it is just a much better subtitle.

BUT that doesn’t mean that there was no Perrin. In fact I thought this entire book was Perrin. Which is not a bad thing, he has a lot of action happening around him. He is at the point now where he is being bombarded by this wolf life and he is being a little bitch about embracing it. Like your boy Hopper, a true OG, is basically telling Perrin to stop being a baby and the guy can’t get out of his own head.

So essentially Trollocs run up on the little winter Dragonsworn camp and Perrin gives them the fucking business. A little weird that he fights with the wolves, but I get hyped up when Robert Jordan does a battle scene without magic. Young Bull, Perrin’s alter ego, is a legend of the fight game. He just runs around barefoot chopping trollocs and fades with a giant fucking ax. His fight with the fade is dope, Perrin is an awesome undisciplined brawler. You know who is a wack fighter? You guessed it! RAND. When Perrin goes to find him Rand is crying about how he did nothing. Good job bro. Pathetic.

So post battle your boy Perrin, Lan, Loial and Moraine start following Rand. They roll up to this village, where everyone is busy fucking because Rand came through and basically started up a giant orgy. Not exactly true, as these people were getting married first, but what is marriage but an excuse? Some would say Rand shares many tendencies with Lucifer himself. This innkeeper asks Moraine to heal his brother, but when she and Perrin go to see the brother, they can’t do anything as the brother has basically become a wolf. This chapter shows the depth of Moraine’s character. It is so easy to see her as uncaring and cold, but in actuality the way she talks to Perrin and shows sympathy just makes her continuously more likeable.

On to the White Tower. The hero of our tale is unfortunately incapacitated at the start of this book, he has come down with a case of evil magic sickness. So Verin, Egwene, Nynaeve, Elayne, and Hurin the crime watchdog sniffing out crime from Tear to the Two Rivers get accosted by these White Cloak goons while trying to get Mat to the White Tower. I lovvvvve this part of the book because I find it so funny. This scene reminds me of like getting mugged by people with knives, when all of you are holding guns. Verin is diplomatically trying to get shit done while Egwene the whole time is getting more and more impatient until finally she pulls out the uzi and starts blasting those clowns with the one power. Elayne and Nynaeve are so relieved to not have to listen to Verin’s terrible attempts at diplomacy and start popping off as well. They absolutely body the White Cloaks in like three seconds. Then as Verin is trying to discipline them, she is just resigned to the fact that it worked. OOOOO WELL.

When they finally get to Tar Valon, we are treated with an Amyrlin Seat chapter. Of course this means stupid fisherman expressions but looking past that I enjoy Siuan as a POV. My time with the audiobook ended with rain blasting me at about mile 5 yesterday, so until next week that is all.

Final Notes: God damn it Cam.

Journey around the Wheel of Time

The Dragon Reborn Audiobook Update 1: Prelude and Perrin

Hard to imagine that I am on book three of this Wheel of Time journey. But for real it actually feels like I should be on book 234 by now. I mean for 60% of my runs I listen to these audiobooks and based on the other weekly series of this blog, Marathon Monday’s (on Tuesday’s), one would think that I would fly through these things. But you forget that these books are god damn enormous. Also maybe I don’t run that much. Just kidding it’s never my fault. Also that statistic is totally made up. Stats are for nerds. Unless they prove my point.

So intro out of the way, I am on to The Dragon Reborn. Easily one of the better titles of the series. By titles I literally mean the title of the book, I forget if this is one of the good ones. Because as of right now, we got teenage angst Rand, who is pulling his best Antonio Brown impression and just refusing to cooperate. Like when I was listening to the Perrin chapter and it is going something along the lines of Perrin saying “if you know Morraine is right, why are you being such a disagreeable little bitch” I envisioned Tyrell Williams saying this exact thing to Antonio Brown about Mike Mayock. I promise I did not know another Raider WR of the top of my head and had to look that up. I know I said I refuse to do research but I also made up that declaration.

On the topic of research, this book has a great chance to be enjoyable due to the simple fact that 2.4% of the book is Rand’s POV. That one is not made up, I pulled it from that WoT wiki. I would count this as a blessing, as already Perrin sees right through Rand’s bitchassness and starts taking charge by hitting on all the women that are into Rand. He is playing the friend/confidant role to Min, trying to get in her good graces so that when she needs a shoulder to cry on about ol’ Randy, Perrin can slide up in them tomboy cheeks. Lanfear even smells how soft Rand is and tries to throw her hat in the mix of being in the Perrin pack. I had another word to throw in that sick alliteration but that crosses a line even for me.

I may have mentioned before that the prelude chapters are some of the best chapters in the series and this prelude is no exception. The concept of the Children of the Light is one of the more interesting concepts of the book. Here they are just super anti-magic so they go around essentially trying to bully everyone under the guise of trying to keep people pure. It’s an awesome militant group that adds a kind of predictable yet entertaining third hat in the ring. Pedron Niall is a fun character. His little quest for glory revels a lot about the inner workings of the Children and kind of mirrors the Forsaken in their individual motivations taking precedence over the fake one-for-all goal.

Final Notes: Yes I watched the game last night. If you bet with me you are dumb. Go Giants! I know I did zero book reviews and I didn’t do my vaunted country review. O well.

Journey around the Wheel of Time

The Great Hunt Audiobook Update 6: Endless worlds, endless possibilities

I would like to take some time out of your regularly scheduled program to honor a true hero. A man that has faced ridicule, faced trials and tribulations, faced haters and doubters, and has rose above adversity to lead his people to greatness. I am talking of course about the legend number 8 of the New York Football Giants, Daniel Mothafucka Jones. Hi pocket presence, his ability to read the defense, his pure athleticism caused the drive that was heard round the tristate area like a local car dealership. What does this have to do with The Wheel of Time you might ask? Well my friends, in short, everything.

It was a hot summer afternoon when a young man, fresh off a grueling and truly terribly performed 8-mile run sat on his couch and tuned into the New York Football Giants. He had just finished listening to an hour-and-a-halfish (yes that’s how long it took to run 8 miles, I am not proud of this fact) of a fantastic audiobook courtesy of the lovely folks at audible (sponsor me please), when a hero first entered the television screen. He proceeded to complete his first pass. I was intrigued. Another play, another completion. My eyes were laser focused on this man-miracle. He dares to throw another, he succeeds in completing this monumental feat. Now I am tearing up, for three in a row can’t possibly be possible. Pray it is no fluke. A fourth pass, a fourth completion. I am full on weeping tears of joy. My dick may or may not be harder than a blood-diamond.  And finally, the grand finale. He lets the ball go, TOUCHDOWN. The sky erupts as the heavens open up in the presence of a god. Lightning is appearing in the sky, the world is sundering at the seams. The fabric of reality is torn. The sheer magnitude of the moment causes a weather delay. I worry how this will affect my bet if they can’t finish the game. I finish my aside. Go Giants!

There is a part in chapter 37 of The Great Hunt where Rand is trying to use a portal stone and it is acting like a shitty motor that just won’t get started. He finally gets the thing working and like a sputtering engine we are treated to six renditions of the word ‘Flicker.’ Now reading ‘flicker’ six times in a row takes no effort at all, but hearing it six straight times was just torturous. Worse than listening to a country song. BUTTTTT what we do get is this sickkkk chapter where Rand lives out like 100 lives and I have to say, I like every other version of Rand better than the one Robert Jordan subjects us too. In one life he is a disgruntled guard with an attitude problem, who goes on to lead the Caemlyn army in a last stand. That is fucking badass. None of this soft ass crying. Also Rand screws up and they launch themselves 4 months into the future. Good job dipshit.

Meanwhile at the White Tower, we are treated to an, wait for it, angry Nynaeve. The source of her anger? She got whipped up on for throwing hands with another Accepted. Nynaeve embodies the world-renowned scholar Aubrey Graham’s famous quote “twitter fingers turn to trigger fingers.” She doesn’t take no shit from noooooobody. I do think it is pretty weak though that Liandrin is able to convince them all to leave the White Tower just because they are afraid that there are Black Aja around. Like couldn’t they just go to the Amrilyn Seat? The precedent has been set that they have at least the semblance of a connection with her, and certainly asking her would be wise. O well they didn’t so off they go.

I do want to address the elephant in the room. Many have been clamoring that Matt in these last few chapters has exhibited elements of what us in the world like to call a “snitch.” In some of the lives Matt sees of himself, he has told people that Rand has been able to channel. Some, those deep dark hating trolls, would believe that this means that our hero Matt exhibits snitch like tendencies, but I am here to say that could not be further from the truth. What traits Matt truly embodies are that of the hero, he is willing to sacrifice even his own friend (who has proven to be a terrible friend on numerous occasions, even deigning to look down upon him) for the sake of the safety of the world. Duty is lighter than a feather, heavier than a mountain indeed. Happy Friday everybody!

Final Notes: I promise some more book related stuff is coming, but taking a break from The Stone Sky and whatever is the name of that stupid ass third book in A Land Fit for Heroes series to read The Ruin of Kings has me about halfway done with three different books. An interesting conundrum.

Journey around the Wheel of Time

The Great Hunt Audiobook Update 2: Rand getting Randy

At this point of the book, we have to question if Rand is more of sexual deviant then supposed savior of the world. Sure he doesn’t explicitly have sex, or like harass anyone or any of the other things that makes my judgement obvious, but it takes a little reading between the lines to really see it. I guess this deserves some context, and with that WELCOME TO THE AUDIOBOOK UPDATE.

Assuming you are still reading after that, let me be the first to say Happy Friday! I have been fortunate enough to avoid getting trapped in the murderous heat (mostly because I spend all day trapped in the gulag I call work) and though my electric bill is rising faster than a priest’s pecker in a preschool, there’s no way I could possibly go without some AC at night. Not looking forward to having to run Saturday and Sunday, I probably will get up early and try and bang out the long run tomorrow morning. Not that you care you are here to hear about what I have heard!

Well that is going to have to wait a paragraph or two because I am here to talk about some gear. Thanks to Amazon Prime Day, no free ads, I was able to get myself a Garmin Forerunner 235 for $140. I know that the Forerunner 245 has come out already and that attributes to Garmin trying to sell off their old models, but I am not a guy who needs my watch to do a whole bunch of different things, I just want an accurate GPS and a timer. The price is well worth it for the watch, I remember for Black Friday the watch cost $200. So using it for the first time this morning, I knew that this was well worth it. The watch made checking my distance so much easier than either checking my phone or waiting for the audio cues from Runkeeper. As someone who is highly obsessed with making sure the run goes over the actual distance, I always had to adjust the GPS map on Runkeeper. Inevitably I would find out I’m .2 miles short of my goal then trudge my ass up and down the sidewalk looking like one of the crackheads in Church Square Park. All in all, this is much easier.

Okay back to the book. The characters have had their split before they inevitably meet up at the end, like all good fantasy books should. The paths have been set, Egwene and Nynaeve are headed for the White Tower, Rand is trying to keep his dick in his pants while simultaneously lording over Loial and Hurin, and the hero and wolfboy are chilling with the Shienaran boyzzzzzzzzz.

A quick comment on Padan Fain, his paranoia talking to himself thing gets a little annoying at times, but him fucking up that Myddraal by skinning it in front of all his gang is badass. I can imagine that being absolutely gruesome and terrifying. Fear is effective. And frankly more fun to read about.

I love the way Nynaeve straight up disrespects the shit out of everyone. O you are the Amyrlin and everybody purses their lips to kiss your ass, fuckkkkk that I’m going to air throw you against a wall and show you I’m the real one. Just a boss ass bitch who takes no shit. All anyone needs to do to motivate her is tell her that if she trains eventually she will fuck them all up.

The hero and Perrin are choosing to stick to the mission, which is to get the horn back. Matt’s disdain for any magic power is inspiring, he is just the perfect character. He successfully ices out Rand because Rand was acting like an entitled lord, and when Rand tries to apologize Matt’s like helllll no don’t come near me with your magic madness ass. Characters who can get by in a world of magic without any magic always make me happy. I do enjoy Perrin as well, his personality is a little over the top with the humble blacksmith routine, but I love the wolf connection. He also is a house and I respect a unit when I see one.

But let’s get back to Rand the pervert. He meets this random girl named Selene and acts like he has never seen a hot girl before. Look that’s okay, Rand is a certified loser who already lost the girl he has a crush on, so it is to be expected that he is going to be a sucker for the next woman who flashes a little kneecap, but my god you are pathetic bro.

First off, he lies about his status as a lord and eattttts up the attention Selene gives him. The guy is literally fumbling for words. Pathetic. But it is the scene where he catches her trying to rob him that gets me. Let’s run through the things he says and I will leave the reader to draw their own conclusions.

“Unbidden, the thought came of Selene with no clothes. His face went red again.”

Bro, you just met the girl and you are already undressing her with your eyes. You haven’t even followed her on Instagram yet, where you can look at her in conspicuously angled pictures meant to draw your eye to her more prominent features where she is essentially naked and you don’t have to imagine anything. Also he completely disregards her when he questions how she knows all these things about Kirby’s Dreamland when Loial, a MAN, doesn’t even know it. Basically says that because she is a woman there is no way she could have read as much as Loial. Disgusting, no respect for her mind.

“It was not that he wanted to touch her, exactly-he reminded himself that he loved Egwene; he felt guilty at the need for reminding-but she was beautiful, and she though he was a lord, and she said he could be a great man.”

This one is just too much. Break it down, he said he wanted to touch her! Without even the pretense of dinner! Get the girl a cheeseburger first before trying to touch her buns. Despicable. You know what stops him, GUILT, guilt over the fact that he is going behind the back of the girl he is talking too, salivating over a girl he just met. He would have touched Selene if he didn’t think he would feel guilty. And the whole thing about being a Lord, Rand hasn’t even held any real power yet and he is already thinking about ways to use that power to manipulate innocent women to get laid. Thirsty ass Rand just another typical man who thinks because he has power he deserves to fuck whoever he wants. So shameful.

“He had put Nynaeve’s age to her-a handful of years older than himself-but he had been wrong, he realized. She was more his own age, and beautiful,”

“She seemed so cool and self-possessed, no older than he,”

“It was not as if he had never seen a girl’s legs before: girls in the Two Rivers always tied up their skirts to go wading in the Waterwood ponds. But they stopped doing it well before they were old enough to braid their hair, and this was in the dark besides.”

THREE COMENTS ABOUT HER AGE. This guy is the fucking worst, he tries to pull this shit in America he’s going straight to jail, or the head of a finance firm… Look he mentions how hot he thinks Selene is, but he can’t stop harping on the fact that she looks young, he is almost obsessed with it. When he sees Selene’s legs, his FIRST thought is about little girls in the river, and he remembers this fondly. I am going to let you draw your own conclusions, but the evidence piles up after a while. There is a reason this is an anti-Rand blog.

Final Notes: I just want to acknowledge the kind of mind it takes to listen to an audiobook while running, retain the information and form opinions, and latter write that stuff down. On top of that I am even able to find quotes that I recall hearing. Truly inspiring stuff.

Journey around the Wheel of Time

The Great Hunt Audiobook Update 1: Lan’s Life Lesson’s

There are times when you got to raise your hand up and admit when you are in the wrong and not for the first time in my life I am raising my hand. I have let down my loyal and nonexistent audience by not providing an audiobook update last week. My apologies friends, I had a four day weekend and took the lazy way out. You may be wondering why I didn’t address this scandal on Monday’s blog. Well I didn’t want to sully my marathon blog with the stink of failure.

That being said, with the week winding down and marathon training in full almost week swing, there has been ample opportunity to dive deep into the The Great Hunt, which is of course the second book of the Wheel of Time series. I really do want to start listening to a random book in a series, like say book five of a ten book series, and see how impossible it is to follow. I think that would provide a solid level of content, since if I just continue to lightly recap the WoT I might hang myself like the prisoner in Fal Dara after he sees the Myddraal during the Padan Fain rescue attempt. That’s called a lead in folks.

Something that Robert Jordan does extremely well is these prologues that give us a POV of a character to kind of give us a different perspective then what we are going to be reading. Old Georgy does the same thing with ASIOF and now that I am thinking about it I think that a lot of authors do this exact thing. Point is, I like this shit, especially when we start to get POV’s of the bad guys. The meeting of the Dark Friend posse is interesting because the Wheel of Time, along with many other fantasy series, has the tendency to make the bad guys seem so dumb, like they kind of just fall into these traps or screw up at just the right moment. I understand some of that is necessary but it is refreshing to see that there actually is a bigger plan at play. The out that Ba’alzamon offers us is he is unsure if he wants Rand dead or not. So anytime Rand doesn’t get killed it’s a solid “well it’s not his time yet.” Just for the record I am retroactively redacting the “p” word.

What we have gotten more off in the start to this book is some good ol’ fashion Lan dialogue. I am not ashamed to admit that I almost universally love any scene in a fantasy series that involves some good ol’ fashion training. Good ol’ fashion. Just thought I should say it a third time. Maybe it is because I harbor deep seeded dreams of becoming a pro athlete despite never playing a college sport (and already being 26 out of my prime), or because I respect the grind. Or maybe I just like it idk not everything has to be looked into. Is deep seeded the expression? Who knows. Point is that we get lots of Lan’s Life Lessons. Shit that is a great subtitle for this blog or a good blog series. When you get to this part of the blog you will have noticed that is already the subtitle. A little behind-the-scenes on how I create greatness.

Lan takes an active role in training Rand, which mostly involves beating him with a practice sword. Let me tell you, nothing in this series brings me more joy then the idea of Rand getting whipped up on. The lessons he offers are the basics, but he keeps urging him to leave which shows that he not only cares for Rand (which is dumb) but that he can think separately from the goals of the Aes Sedai. I just finished the part where he imparts his final lesson “sheathing the sword” which is not the line dropped on us by the late great Walder Frey “every sword needs a sheath.”

“There will come a time when you must achieve a goal at all costs. It may come in attack or in defense. And the only way will be to allow the sword to be sheathed in your own body. … when the price is worth the gain, and there is no other choice left to you. That is called Sheathing the Sword. Remember it.”

Sick use of block quotes. If you asked Walder Frey to interpret Lan’s expression I believe he would introduce you to a concept made popular by famous Marilyn Manson rumor. I’m talking self-sucking folks.

While I normally don’t consider myself a sappy guy I can’t get enough of the Lan and Nynaeve forbidden love thing. That touching ass scene where he gives her the ring is heartwarming. As someone who loves to watch (forced to watch) a decent amount of Rom-Com’s I have a soft spot for this kind of thing.

No Matt yet and for this the book has suffered tremendously. The book also suffers from the Amyrlin Seat’s terrible fishwife expressions. It is soooooo forced. Cringe worthy. Pretty much the equivalent of every line in Twilight (the movie not the books those were good). I like her as a character but her lines are sometimes brutal.

The point of this book is to go get the horn they had for two seconds back. Thought it would be worth mentioning.

Final Notes: I wanted to do an NBA trade’s recap because anyone who even passively follows the NBA or free agency knows this has been insane. With Westbrook going to the Rockets my mind is fucking blown. Just for the record I may have mentioned I am crazy anti-Westbrook. I was going to make a joke about Westbrook saying “anti-ninja turtle” but I am vehemently pro ninja turtle. I want to get into summer league gambling, seems like a real thrill. That’s Friday folks.

Journey around the Wheel of Time

Eye of the World Audiobook Update 8

Sugar honey iced tea welcome to the 8th installment of a loosely based serial blog of me half listening to an audiobook and using the review format to rant and rave about life so if I you have been keeping up with this or are just tuning in (little TV lingo for ya) I have been listening to the Eye of the World audiobook not because the TV show is coming out and I wanted to freshen up on it so I could look down on people and feel o so smug as I tell them how much better the book is whilst dropping tidbits such as the always classic “that’s not how it happened in the books” and “I CAN’T even believe they changed that” as you slowly think of the fastest way to remove yourself from the conversation and never walk over to my desk again or text me back  but rather because I wanted to see if the story still held up after I read it years ago and mildly enjoyed the series despite the 10000000000000000000 (approximately of course) pages and story that spiraled more out of control then a night out on the town with former Knick great J.R. Smith aka as “you tryna get the pipe” DM line dropper.

That was a mouthful and I’m not talking about the eighth season of Game of Thrones (get it??? It sucked the big one [that is a fellatio joke {cue the irony joke drums as you stab yourself in the eyes with the green straw from a venti Starbucks iced coffee you purchased at the bargain price of $6.94}]). That sentence had more brackets then your office during March Madness. God I need to end this blog ASAP. Fridays am’I’rite???

Maybe I don’t need to spend too long talking about running this time around, I have been running 36 miles a week still. This week I am going to hit 37, next week 38, week after that 10 HAHAHA just kidding 39 just wanted to see if you were paying attention. Training is going well, my eyes recovered from their battle with bald head sunscreen. Got some solid time with our favorite team of destiny, and I am not talking about the Warriors. Cue the segway . . . speaking of the Warriors I hope all four people outside my family who may read this blog (not positive my family does TBH) don’t take any of my gambling advice. If you bet on the Warriors you are like me, someone who is losing to set up the COMEBACK. The hot streak of picking wrong is still on! Team of destiny my ass, you let stick figure Siakam and Raymond Feltons’ twin brother beat you. Won’t speak ill of Kawhi he’s amazing, OOO WAIT, I bet on him having a double-double and that fucker had 9 rebounds (he actually had 8 but 9 seems much more heartbreaking). I mean they were throwing up circus shots and it would just roll in no biggie.

Let’s talk the tav’ern team. Rand and Mat are out there doing their best Thom immpressions. Rand of course is being a little bitch, when some farmer’s daughter is giving him the ol’ lets take a barn yard roll eyes he gets all nervous and keeps playing his fiddle. Hey buddy you think she was just trying to make you nervous so you would keep playing because they are on a farm and haven’t heard music in their whole lives? All time loser. Mat on the other hand, legend. She gives him those eyes “It’s Goin’ Down” like a Yung Joc song. Or going down like Yung Joc’s career. Shout out to him he sounded good on that T-Pain song in 1987.

We should take this time to admire what Mat is doing. His healthy sense of paranoia is what that duo needed. Rand ready to trust any farmer with a straw hat, going to get himself diddled with that attitude. Mat on the other hand is ready to stab his own friend with a cursed knife from the evil pufferfish in order to SECURE THE BAG. Game recognizes game. Evil Mat is awesome.

O yea Perrin’s dumbass and Egwene got captured by White Cloaks. Good job bro. At least he killed some. Actually I think I mentioned this  last week. Happy Friday!

Final Notes:  Went to Book Expo yesterday (yea that’s where only publishing professionals and people selling weird book related merchandise no one wants go, talk about exclusivity) and saw that Robert Jordan is actually publishing a new book. I was going to ask if Jordan wrote the book whilst hanging out with Tupac, but I saw that the scientology publisher had delicious looking cookies so I decided to grab one of those instead. Just kidding I was too nervous to talk to anyone because I suck at networking hence why I hide behind a blog. Learned a lot about L Ron Hubba Bubba though. Let me tell you a little bit about him…